No (Wo)man stands alone…

Define Independence:
Freedom from dependence; exemption from reliance on, or control by, others; self-subsistence or maintenance; direction of one's own affairs without interference.

I’ve been accused of being too independent…

This year, just as the fireworks announced the entry into a new year I closed my eyes and made my New Year’s resolutions. I decided to give up red meat for the year (a resolution that only lasted three weeks)… and I decided that this year I would strive to be even more independent person. Being close to having my own apartment, I realised that dedication, sacrifice and responsibility were all going to bring me to a higher lever of independence.

Early before my final high school exams and before I left school, I had already begun applying for various universities. I applied for jobs and went to the interviews on my own. I worked under tight conditions where I often did two shifts in a row getting a low pay and little sleep in between. I saved money and bought my own airplane ticket, paying for my extra luggage as well. I flew across the ocean and across the equator to live on an island that fit more than three times in the city that I’d been living in. Re- learning my mother Latin language, I redrew my curriculum and looked for a job. I now have an apartment that is almost ready and soon I’ll be living on my own. At 21 years of age, I consider myself an independent woman. Yet…

I’ve been accused of being too independent…

When you called me “too independent”… I looked at you and said nothing. I wasn’t too sure if perhaps you weren’t right. Thinking that I still hadn’t reached a satisfactory level of independence, it surprised me that you thought I’d gone beyond. Looking in the mirror, I tried to see what is it that you saw…

How can you accuse me of being too independent? Perhaps you’re not looking hard enough? Surely we’re not looking at the same reflection? The person I saw in the mirror isn’t as confident and assertive as I’d like her to be. She has doubts, she has fears and she has weaknesses. Sometimes she feels lost and often she wonders about the paths she’s chosen. Is this the same person we’re we both see?

You’ve accused me of being too independent…

But perhaps you don’t know about the teachers that motivated me to study and apply to the various universities. Perhaps you don’t know about the employers that took a risk on hiring a girl with no experience. Maybe you didn’t know about the great colleagues that made my long working hours bearable, or the friends that wouldn’t let me give up. You couldn’t possibly calculate the priceless advice and encouragement that my family members have given. Did you not notice the great amount of trust that has been invested by the people that care about me? These angels that God sent have gotten me to and through the rough roads of the great walk of life.

No, I did not make it alone. Nor would I want to… I believe that this great walk of life isn’t about the destination but the journey. What use is it running in front of everybody else and reaching the end alone? What is there to gain at the finish line? Independence?

I still believe that I’m an independent woman but perhaps it’s because I have a different definition of independence. Being independent to me means having high goals and low expectations. When you reach for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll land between the stars and if you have low expectations of someone, every little gesture that they make, becomes a pleasant surprise. I know that I’m strong and that I can depend on myself to solve any problem that comes my way… but I don’t turn down a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on or some good piece of advice. My independence entails holding my head up, never giving up and believing in myself, only this way will I manage to not let down all the people that believe in me. I’ll accept all the support I can get but I’m not planning on doing this all on my own, nobody can.

I dedicate this column to my aunt, uncle and cousins who have taken me under their wing whilst I await the completion of my new apartment. Their support and great advice have made me a more stronger and confident person and their love makes it harder for me to let go when I move into my apartment. Although these last six months have been mentally and physically hard, their love and support have made them the happiest six months yet. I’ll never really know how to thank them, or any of the other angels that God put in my path. All I can really do is return the same kind of trust, love and friendship… perhaps I too make a difference in someone’s life.