Getting a Grip

Photosource: Betsy Cameron

Beware the fury of the patient woman. – Confucius -

I don’t consider myself to be the most patient person in the world, but when it comes to work I manage to exercise a great amount of patience and calm that often surprises even me.
Pressure, stress… I can handle it well; but injustice is something that will have me climbing walls!
Usually a quick run to the 11th floor and back manages to cool me off, by the time I´m back down on the 3rd floor things are normally in neutral perspective…
But today… none of that helped.
No amount of breathing or thoughts of Zen helped;
I lost my temper!

I lost it and then I felt guilty for losing it…
Then I felt irritated that I felt guilty for rightfully losing it…
Then I once again felt guilty for losing it and for getting irritated, even more irritated for letting it affect me that much…
My sharp remarks and foul mood was felt all day and I finally got the courage to tell a certain account manageress to take a Xanax and relax (Portuguese version of Prozac)
(I’ll admit… that one felt good!)
I felt guilty for the things I said; I felt guilty for the things I didn’t say
I spent the rest of the day miserable.

Knowing you did the right thing doesn’t always console your conscience.

Often in my life I wish I reacted or done things differently but I comfort myself with the fact that in each and every one of those times, I did the best I know how.
This knowledge was doing very little to lighten my spirits and by the end of the night I felt exhausted from the instability I’d created in my mind due to contradictory thoughts.

The touch of a warm hand on my shoulder and the smile of a friendly face at the end of the night is what finally brought me peace of mind.
Without me having to say a word, the person deciphered the inner conflict projected on my face and took the initiative of sharing an opinion and encouraging the basis of my actions.
There’s incalculable power in the understanding of another person.
Even if that person hadn’t agreed with me, the fact that we both came to the conclusion that I’d done the best that I could was the relief I’d been searching for all day…
No amount of stair climbing could’ve had the same effect.

I’m blessed.
Even though I live in one of the most selfish and self-centered eras and cities I still manage to meet and befriend the most amazing people.
Special people that touch your heart in ways you never expected and give meaning to your existence.
People that with the smallest word of understanding, rescue you from yourself.
I’m deeply grateful for that smallest touch that reminded me that we’re all part of something bigger than we are.

I can’t promise perfect decisions, but I can promise the best ones that I’m capable of… and that’s enough to make me worthy of the position I earned.

Obrigada