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Today is my day off.
It's one of those rare days when everything is done.
I don't have any clothes to wash or iron.
The house is clean and Kalash and I already went for our walk around the block together.
So when all is done I find myself with that much wanted time to do “my stuff”, most importantly to write in my blog…
But once I'm finally in front of an empty Microsoft Word page… I find that I have little to say… or so too much to say… or what I want to say isn't sayable…
Lately my thoughts make little sense to anyone but myself.
After catching up on my blog reading and going through some e-mails, I finally came back to the empty page and decided that I didn't necessarily have to write something spectacular… I just needed to write, to put some of my thoughts in text that I can read back to myself. So I picked one and this is what I came up with:
I hate my boss.
He’s an arrogant pompous ass that doesn't know the meaning of respect if a dictionary hit him over the head.
He takes reckless and uncalculated decisions without consulting the people that actually know… and he's destroying everything that I care about and helped build.
There, I said it:
I've never hated anyone in my life more than that moron!
And it breaks my heart to have been divided from amazing professionals that I loved working with, from being taken away from what I loved most about my job:
The people.
God, I hate him!
I watch him make stupid decisions day after day, treating people like dirt and destroying all the good things that were worked and built through the years.
Never have the quality standards been so low, never have the results been this lousy.
People are low on moral and stacked high with work.
And not the normal inflow of work, the kind of work generated when someone makes an ape decision and forces his team to work around it.
Doing something wrong is equivalent to having to do it twice.
It isn't the workflow that increased: it's the fuck ups introduced into the system!
I watch what is left of my team fall into a desperate resignation. Weak and frustrated we breathlessly attempt to hold together whatever pieces we can.
Exhausted… of trying to salvage and fix what that idiot keeps pulling apart.
There are days that I want to scream, others that I just want to cry.
I hate him.
He is the epiphany of chaos, anarchy and complete disorganisation.
The typical overconfident jackass that sucks the life of whatever good he has been given to work with.
He soils the very meaning of professionalism!
How can one man screw up so much? Destroy so much so quickly…
I guess it's just easier bringing things down than building them up…
But bullshit won't keep him up there for all eternity.
I anxiously wait for the day where he falls, gets fired or transferred or just disappears… someone wise up and kick him off this throne!
In the faces of the few good members of the team that got left behind, I see the same sadness I see in my mirror every morning.
The frustration of not being able to turn things around…
Most of all… the emptiness left behind from those that are longer there.
I miss my colleagues, the professionals that I've had an enormous pleasure working with in the last two years.
And I hate him… him and that other spineless jerk that made him king of the non-quality-sad-excuse-for-a-client-department.
Those two would be a hell of a lot more productive cleaning the rubbish from the sidewalk!
You'd think I'd feel better after venting… but in truth I my spirits are too dampened to cheer up. I long for change, for universal justice and for revival.
I hate my boss; he represents every possible selfish trait that I despise in a human being.
It's not that I don't know how to deal with assholes; I just don't want to have to!
Someday soon things will turn around, I'm waiting…
19 comments:
You made the comment "or what I want to say isn't sayable".
Why don't you take your picture down and hide your identity, so you can speak freely?
Just a suggestion...
When I said that what I want to say isn´t sayable, I meant that some thoughts I just can´t put into words.
As for hiding my identity... no thanks. I assume responsibility for my thoughts and opinions. They´re part of who I am, and who I am isn´t something I should fear.
Thanks for the suggestion though and for your thoughts.
I'm with you
Ohhh, got it.
One day, I will be able to speak freely again. Until then, I hide mine.
Well, I do hope you get that other job you've been searching for, and then you'll be able to say whatever you want in front of him, you'll be free to kick his ass, you'll be strong enought to put his tie at the shredder (and with that you might free your colleagues ;) ), and who knows how many other humilliatons!
And yes, I also miss you big, you, AM, SL and even that st***d fan of sl..argh...b (TS)
Oh wait, you said professional, in that case I'm not one of those you're talking about...
:::S:u:n:b:u:r:n:::
The good thing of saying what we want is that makes us feel..."yes!"
But just as not saying nothing at all it leaves is marking, whatwever that is...
And i know how that can be, i've been there before to may times already, still i can only imagine what it is for you...
Exale!
see u!
Regarding your thoughts and despite right now I'm in a comfortable situation (no problem with my boss whatsoever), I've already been were you are. I guess it's part of our lifes and if I were tibetan I would say it's a step in our personal evolution. So, consider this: the best you deal with that prick, the better person you will be. And remember, as long as you have friends and other goals in life, the less important that stuff will be.
Wow! I'd say welcome to the real world, where beasts destroy all our good work... unfortunately, companies allow these stupid things and only notice the damage later on... 5 years ago, 3 "whistleblowers", women appeared in the front cover of Time magazine - one for Enron, other for FBI the 3rd for Worldcom... they decided to battle for their beliefs and against stupid things happening in their orgs... they were fired, persecuted, threatened... power will always be power... even unfair... that doesn't mean U don't try, by "mistake" send him an email with facts "wrongly" CC to his boss... ops, sorry, mistake of me...didn't want to... I know a case with copy to "all" by accident... and the person was praised...
ok sad that is happening, what else can U do that U haven't done yet? Can U allow him to make your Fabulous Life be miserable? Do U want that? Count on me to support U! Go ahead! I'll help for sure!
WOW... It's amazing. I know what you feel, I had one just like that a year ago, it can really destroy a person. I also hated my boss.
But don't worry sooner or later that beast will face reality, and when he does everything will change, or better yet, HE WILL LEAVE!!
Cheer up a little
Things turn around whenever you make them. I’ve known you for some years and it’s been some years since I’ve made decent contact with you, much less make comments on your blog.
Dickhead bosses seem to be the rule of thumb. Worst of all, I’m beginning to believe that it’s not exclusive to Portugal, it’s just that I can see them due to living and working here. Other countries have them too, they just cover them up a bit better.
One thing I’ve learned in my near 16 years as a worker, passing thru a lot of companies and getting to know sons of all kinds of mothers, forget about working for others, they will never show you appreciation. Work with others, be a part of the team effort (if you are lucky enough that your colleagues behave and feel like one), but always work for yourself. Keep your goals in mind and punch thru the difficulties.
After all, your boss is just another dimwit in your professional life. You can pray for him, but it’s unlikely that you can perform any sort of miracles. So he screws up… big deal. In the end, the same people that placed him in that position, will sack him if he is really doing a bad job. The common factor in your life is… you. So don’t get too exposed, there is no reason to turn yourself into a target. Remember, you don’t know everything. The company might have some other goals in mind than the financial success of that particular department. Strategies sometimes demand that one department goes down to justify some other projects. So, in fact, his incompetence might actually be super competence. Some food for thought here.
I know very well that this is a hard to swallow pill for someone like you. Initiative, hard work, pride are qualities that companies look for in professionals, but when they get people like that, they also get pebbles in their shoes when decision time comes.
Learn as much as you can, try out your ideas, propose changes, and swallow a bit of that pride when you are turned down. Keep at it. It’s not a sprinter that finishes the marathon. It takes more persistence and less top speed. I know that you have showed some of these qualities. Remember, companies don’t last forever, no matter how big and powerful they are. Jobs aren’t kept for decades anymore. If you don’t change after some 10 years in the same company, you will be faced with an image of lack of courage and of imagination.
The bottom line his, some of these days you will leave that company, whatever the motive might be. The best tool you can take is knowledge. Learn as much as you can, and screw the rest. Be as competent as you can, and screw your boss. Some day you will get ahead of him, and he might still be making the same crappy decisions with his head stuck in that bog.
I know that it’s a lot to ask for someone like you. In fact, these words are more for me than for you, since I suffer from the same illness and exhibit the same symptoms.
My brain is my oyster. My need for knowledge is comparable to the physiological ones. My path is of struggle, it’s painful, but I will make it somehow. Things are pulling together, and it’s still not easy. Sometimes, the most difficult thing is to smile. Fortunately I have someone by my side that is patiently trying to teach me the simple things.
A tip of advice from someone that might not be worth the trouble of being read: do it for yourself. People might not understand that, but sometimes it’s the only way of keeping your shit together.
I think Marco has told you what you have and the last anonymous said what you must do.
For me this is the third of many more challenges that you will face in your life.
The first was difficult and you pass it very well, the second one teach you how to work with your head and take decisions.
This step is not more difficult than the others, its just different.
Now you have to do one thing, don't destroy the good image that the company has of you and don't loose your control, you must control yourself in order to win.
In my oppinion, you can do two things: work and don't help him in his job and wait him to fall (or an opportunity to change) or try to destroy him.
For me the first option is the better, since try to kick a boss could be very bad for you.
But you know that when you get home you have always someone waiting for you...
Actually what I meant by screw your boss was more like:
"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake." - Napoleon Bonaparte
wow kiddo! U woke up an hornet's nest!!! wonderful comments of all, and excelent advices! Be yourself and learn! KK
Unresigned: Thanks, we´re in this together.
Rainy Conversation: I understand. At least take advantage of your anonaminity to be yourself, say what you want.
DRC: As much I love the idea of sticking his tie in the shredder (reallllllyy love that idea!) I don´t want to humiliate him, I just want him gone, or for me to be gone... whichever comes first. whatever is better for me and my team.
As for the professional... you ARE part of the professionals I miss! The faces that were a part of the energy that made things work. I miss you... all of you. (okay in all honesty, there are one or two exceptions I could do without =P)... But even those I miss =)
Nflopes: I felt better after letting all that out, even breathed easier. You know me... I´ll come through.
Marco: Thanks for the wise words, I know you couldn´t be more right though in this present moment the only lesson I feel life is teaching me is the everlasting challenge of patience! I know i´ll be a stronger person for it. But quite honestly I´m tired of the "survival" phase and would truly like to get back to the "construction" phase. This challenge feels like a step back in my evolution... buddha send me insight!
Matos: I kind of like the idea of being the bitch that brings out the truth behind the bullshit and turns little boys in suits into professionals... It´s a difficult mission, but who knows, maybe one day i´ll pull it off: one jerk at a time.
Thanks for your support, it means a lot to be able to count on you. You´ve been there for me before and i´m counting on your support for this one as well.
Mareluar: The best thing I could do is vent, never before have I felt so much support from the people I care about. Thanks buddy, it means a lot to me.
Anonymous: Your comment meant a lot to me, thank-you.
I doubt they´ll easily sack the dimwit due to the fact he´s no idiot. If he managed to whip up enough bullshit to get him this high then he´s got enough bullshit up his sleeve to get himself from getting sacked.
However, bullshit will only get you so far... i´m hoping they´ll push him to the side as an ornament.
I was impressed with your insight, you certainly seem to understand big corporation psychology and failure being the objective is something that seems to me as a very probable gameplan.
But that idea alone makes me a frustrated pawn... I didn´t sign on to fail.
It goes against my principles, and even if the jackass doesn´t deserve it, i´ll keep fighting to keep the boat afloat until it completely drowns. Not for him. For me.
Because it defines and fulfills me as a professional.
I know you understand this.
Thank-you once again for your insight, I´ll be taking some of your advice and I appreciate that you shared it with me.
Luis Sardinha: You know me, I don´t kick... I prefer watching people dig their own graves. =)
As for having someone at home waiting for me... baby you know exactly what keeps me going!
Thank-You everyone for your support and words of wisdom!
I would expect no less than a good fight from you, Sunshine. A good look at your eyes says it all... sweet and gentle for those who deserve it, a brawler to those that step on your toes. Keep your fists up girl.
Not my habit to maintain conversations in the comments section, but this one deserves it. I must say that I was flattered by your opinion on my insight, but rest assured that I’m no manager, nor do I breath the air from top offices. I’m an average Joe, that most of the times chooses to laugh at the ridiculous decisions made around me, in order not to cry or hide my face in shame.
Eventually, what do you want? If it’s the same as you experienced in S. Africa, you can forget about getting it here. It won’t happen in your lifetime. And you know by now that in Portugal, we only speed up in importing the bad. The most moronic ideas, the stupidest guidelines, those come in a jip. Anything that’s ever good in anyway, takes sometimes decades to reach this forsaken land. As centuries went by, we still make the difference from other countries. Only now, instead of being at the top, we prime for the worst.
I sometimes think of this country like a fly that roams happily and decides to nag someone that is not particularly fond of flies. So, out comes the bug spray, give it a good old shake and apply a strong dose on the unsuspecting fly. Down we came, in a spiral, until we fall face first on a pile of shit.
Now, if you are a fly and see someone shaking a can containing a poison that could be directed at you, you should wise up. Not the Portuguese fly… it has always been able to fly about with no restrictions. So now, we are stuck in the droppings of someone else, half dead and still thinking we are right in bugging others. Shame on that nasty person that cut us off of from our freedom…
I’m half conformed, half revolted about the way things are ran here. I see the politicians making speeches that lead nowhere, managers that manage their own pocket instead of the company, bosses that don’t know squat about their own business and find the only way of showing that they are in charge is… screwing the workers, stalling everything and making bad judgment calls.
Meanwhile, our incompetent and unproductive workers have one of the best acceptances abroad. We have earned a very good reputation in other countries as hard workers, creative, committed and productive. So, if our rubbish is gold for other countries, shouldn’t we change one or two little things in our mentalities?
Sorry for the display of lack of faith in our very own system, but I’m a bit fed up of banging my head on the wall, and witnessing promising values as you and me dragging our asses in this hell hole that some still call home. Could it be that I can do better for Portugal from abroad than from the inside? And if so, will I be willing to?
Well that's not that bad... Considering I have 3 dick-heads (no I'm not in a orgy, just work), 2 above & 1 below. I know, the one below I should be able to get rid of... NO cos 1 of the above also doesn't have balls to send him away.
Well I guess they're all in a community, which they look after each other.
What I always try to do is piss one off, ignore the other and kick the latest every time I'm able to.
Not that I am like this, but it's work and after years of trying to respect everyone, even these kind of morons, noticed my effort would be in vain. As Napoleon said; I'd like to add, "instead, make him believe he's doing right!".
That huge kiss to help you go through. ;)
Anonymous: They say people change with time and experience. I prefer the word "Mature" because deep down, the very essence of who I am remains unchanged even when my mentality has evolved. This is why it´s so easy to put your arms around people you haven´t seen in years. Because even if they don´t use those bellbottoms anymore, they´re still that fabulous person you remember - at least in most cases.
I also don´t have a habit of mainting conversation in the comments page but I rather enjoying exchanging ideas and opinions with you. When your fingers hurt, give me a call, my number is still the same.
As for my valueing your opinion, it´s a strong and valid argument so I´d be a fool not to take your words into consideration.
You don´t have to be a rocket scientist to have insight, you merely have to have the desire to understand...
As some wise person once said "Don´t take advice from the guy who studied, take advice from the guy with experience"
The average Joe is a hero within his own means. The people I consider my angels or my heroes sometimes do nothing more than smile at me at the right moment.
What do I want?... It´s a good question and one that I didn´t have to think much to answer: I want to make a difference. A positive difference. I´m perfectly aware that I can´t save the world but if I can make a difference in at least one persons´s life then i´m happy. When I´m training new operators, i´m not merely teaching them the mechanics of the system as I suggest to them the attitude they should have. Whether or not they choose to embrace the challenge and the form of being is their choice. But if I can influence them to be competent professionals then i´ve made my difference.
At this point the biggest challenge I face is that instead of making a difference, i´m merely making ends meet. I´m more interest in development than in "survival" - especially when you can´t "do it all".
Although I complain, you ought to know me well enough to know that when i´m on-job then all difficulties melt away to one objective: getting things done. It´s the frustration at the end of the day when you´ve given it you all and yet there are things to do that lead me to write posts as these. I´m not weak - i´m human.
I understand your "pain". Just this week I gave a training session which lead to a few cultural and political opinions. I think the the portuguese people are with out a doubt one of the most resilient people I know. It seems we adapt like no other and make success of almost anything we aspire to (outside the country mostly). But the way I see it Portugal doesn´t altogether lack in oportunity (if it did the Brazilians and Ukranians wouldn´t be flooding in). It lacks education. What good is giving a wheel to a neandarthal? It´ll take him years to figure out what to do with it if no one teaches him. And then there are the politicians... if there´s one thing portuguese people are good at, it´s bullshit.
But politics aside, as we both have pointed out: You can´t change the world, you can only make a difference but do you want to? Look at it this way; either you pack and go somewhere else, you sit and sulk or you make the most of it. I like to be part of the few that make the positive difference.
Nuno: Damn! And I thought I had it bad! I have only two to deal with but you have 3?
On the bright side, it seems to me you´re having fun with psychological warfare which means it can´t be all that bad!
I´m sure that that last piece of advice is what Napolean needed to win at Waterloo.
Hang in there!
Olha minha linda...
Fazes mto bemem mostrar a tua identidade...e diz td o q tens a dizer...
Apoiado!!
Bjs!!
PS: eu já tive um chefe desses...era uma gaja...pior ainda!!
Agora,tenho um chefe gajo..alii...homem!! Mto melhor!!
Trabalhamos em equipa...fazemos bem..nada de conflitos!
;)
bjs!!
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