The Other Person

Deep inside our souls lives a lunatic. A person so insane that we struggle all our lives to keep him\her quiet. As children he\she was often the cause for reprimand and disciplining, with age we learn to control that voice so that it almost ceases to exist.

Almost...

What makes this other person dangerous is that he\she had a mind of it´s own and isn´t afraid to express it. You will recognise this person from the times when you are drunk or have been pushed to your limits... that´s when he\she speaks her mind!

I myself haven´t dominated this other person as I would like to...
She´s the most abnoxious person to relate to! She says the things I least want to hear when I make important decisions!
I can´t get rid of her no matter how hard I try! And when I manage to silence her for the least amount of time... I begin to feel as if a part of me is missing.

This person that lives inside me is responsible for almost all times I got hurt:
At the age of nine she got me into trouble for challenging the catholic religion with the priest. Three years later I was grounded because she skipped school to go to the river with her friends. She embarrased me one year when she decided to sing in front of the whole school and that isn´t even to mention all the times she disagreed with the teachers in class and earned me detention! All the downfalls, the heartache and the suffering i´ve gone through is her fault! I knew better than to tell someone that I liked them before they told me, and yet, on more than one occasion, the other person got us both rejected!

Yet...

There are times when I ignored her and locked her in a closet and ended up on passing by the best moments of my life...

I wish I had listened to her on times when I wanted to reach out to someone and didn´t. I wish I had said some of the things she had wanted me to say on occasions and oh! How I wish I had run off with her and chased after crazy dreams and destinations!

She makes me suffer but she also makes me stronger. When I challenged my religion, I found the courage to question and earned an open mind. When I skipped school, I learnt things from the time with my friends that I couldn´t learn in a classroom. When I sang in front of my school, I found the courage to speak in front of my peers and colleagues. When I argued with teachers, I found the courage of my convictions. And finally... when I got my hurt, I discovered a stronger more independent woman.

Some people call this other person my heart because she´s responsible for all the risks I take... I call her “the other person” because she seems to have a mind of her own and we often argue about the decisions in my life.

It is unfortunate that we don´t always see eye to eye and she often has to fight for a moment to shine... Not too long ago, I decided to give her full reign to see where she would take the both of us. She immediately spoke to me of my dreams, the kind that are written in the depths of my soul. She reminded me of the most important dream, the one that I´m most afraid of...

I watched in horror and amazement as she made plans to set after that dream. Those plans involved big changes and sacrifices of the things I´d worked very hard for. When I reminded her of all the hard work it had taken to come as far as we had, she reminded me that the journey was not over and this wasn´t my destination. All the things I had conquered, I could lose with life´s tragedies... and taking a risk, I could conquer so much more.
This other person showed me once again the possibilities there are in taking risks, she gave me back my faith and my dreams. In return I gave her a moment to put her plan into action...

Alas, her moment ended in 15 long minutes... Although she was ready to change her world in the search of her dream, the dream was not ready for her and all her plans got washed down with our tears.

I watch her now with pity, she sits in her little corner and says nothing to me. I could be upset with her because of the turmoil she put us both through. The adventure she put us on has wasted hours of my time and energy! And left me once again hurt and insecure. It will take me ages to build my self confidence again!... And yet, I don´t condemn her or her actions... perhaps now we can walk peacefully for a while without saying a word to each other. I know that somewhere in the future she´ll stand up again... but that´s another column...