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Last night I told a good friend of mine who was at the supermarket to add a box of strawberries and a can of whipped cream to his shopping list. The idea was for him to get home, pack the groceries, give his wife a sneak preview of desert and tell her that it’s served cold, in bed and reserved only for the two of them. No, it’s neither a novelty nor an original idea; in fact you’ll find it in most romance books… however I know few couples that try it.
Teaching an old dog, new tricks? Hell No! I’m pretty sure he has tons of ideas just like the one I gave him… if not better! Nobody just simply forgets how to be romantic and original: we simply stop doing the little things that take just that extra amount of time and effort. As time goes by with a couple, intimacy loses the novelty and we stop doing those little things that make all the difference. What most of these individuals don’t know is that their partner hasn’t forgotten how good that message on the fridge, that phone call in the middle of the afternoon or that midnight massage feels. But they’ve stopped trying because you’ve stopped trying and now both of you use the “routine” or “exhaustion” excuse.
Is she going to protest that you plan to experiment with fruit in her bed? Damn right she is! It will mean she’ll have to wash the sheets again and that she’ll get all sticky, not to mention the stains it will leave… This is if she hasn’t exploded her temper at you for having crazy ideas or asking you what your hidden agenda is!
Have you lowered your shoulders and walked away? Feeling sorry for yourself and wishing you’d never had the idea in the first place?! Maybe you even get angry because she snubbed your efforts… and if it really hurt you, it might just become a good reason for the start of another fight…
Well what did you expect? The effort isn’t in simply presenting the idea… it’s in selling it! I learnt this in a negotiation techniques course that where I was told that no objection is negative if you can turn it around to serve both your and your clients needs. I realised that this concept was not merely a professional one when the trainer himself referred to his wife as his girlfriend. Just like you have to keep coming back to your client to make sure that he’s satisfied, so must you also regain and conquer your partner’s interest over and over again.
If you make the effort to win their affections, they’ll correspond with the same effort to make sure they don’t lose you: Sunshine Guarantee.
Objection: The sheets will get dirty
Solution 1: How about I aim for the belly button or places where we don’t make too much of a mess?
Solution 2: Okay, these sheets are my responsibility, ill wash them and ill make the bed in the morning
Solution 3: Wanna take this in the kitchen?
Objection: I’m gonna get sticky!
Solution 1: Not if the cleaning is up to me!
Solution 2: I promise to keep it to strategic spots
Solution 2: A good reason to take a shower together
Objection: What about the stains?!
Solution 1: I’ll be careful or the fruit can be eaten away from clothing or linen
Solution 2: I’ll do the washing or take it to the Laundromat
Solution 3: A good reason to buy you a new, sexier nightgown.
Objection: Where the hell did you get the crazy idea?
Possible answers: I read it in a book, I saw it on TV, I got in an e-mail or I was in the supermarket and it occurred to me that we haven’t tried this in a while. Geez! How many good reasons do you need to give her for trying out something this good?!!!
Objection: You’re up to something!
Response: Damn right I am! I’m trying to bring the spice (erm fruit) back into the bedroom!
Objection: I’m tired
Answer that works best: I know, that’s why I want to do this for you… let me do this for you… I want you to feel loved… I thought about us… lets try something different…
She wants you to conquer her like you did when you first met. Behind that tired wife, mother and workaholic is a woman with desires that needs to be reminded that she has a right to explore them. That adventure is not something that is only practised in youth. She (or he… this works both ways!) wants that touch and romance as badly as you do!... and if probably as afraid or embarrassed to try is, as you are (were is in the past tense as in BEFORE you read this column!) Of course she’s going to be suspicious and of course she’s going to be defensive! Who wouldn’t be when in a comfortable routine?! The secret is to stop seeing the other person as your spouse, as something you own or as something that you have. See them for who they really are: a free wo/man that could walk out of your life at any moment. Find out their interests, their hidden thoughts, ideas, desires and fantasies and conquer them! That person in your bed has the same red blood going through their veins as you do! To get them to express their desires is the challenge so don’t give up when she tells you that you’re too old for romance… instead fight to conquer and bring out the young and vibrant spirit that she thinks only some other man can revive.
In modern times there are very few who believe in monogamy. It seems that faithfulness no longer belongs in our generation. Trust is no longer based on fidelity and instead defined by those who join swing clubs, swapping partners with full couple consent. Being unfaithful might even boost up your sex life with the one you love and have a commitment to. Many men and women will admit that they are incapable of sticking to just one partner. Thanks to dialogue and comprehension, we are no longer bound by ancient laws that force monogamy.
However, for some eternal romantics like me (and you… there is a bit of sunshine and romance in every human soul)… monogamy is not about the abiding a moral sentence but yes dedicating your soul to just one person. Just like a parent who chooses to have but one child, a soul can choose to love but one wo/man.
Life, love, adventure and all the best experiences are shared with that person because it’s that person you want to share all of you with. Even when routine and responsibility settles in: that person still remains the soul you fell in love with. Therefore the challenge of a monogamous relationship is to keep the spirit alive, to get to know that person and to revive and live in that magical and wondrous place created just by the two of you.
Marriage isn’t a sentence: It’s the combination of two souls who decided bare witness to each other’s life by not living life alone, by loving each other and walking side by side wherever life may lead them.
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