Wake me when it´s over

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What I really want for Christmas?

Let me crawl into bed and somebody wake me when it´s over...

The cooking...

The cleaning...

The noise...

The same conversations...

I don´t have the energy for it all...

I just want it to be over with.

I´d love to just climb into bed and wake up in 2012

I´ll feel differently next year... but this year, it feels like it will never end!

Old Friends...

Photosource: Unknown

Friends are the people that can sing back the song in your heart when you´ve forgotten the words...

I miss my school friends... they knew a “me” that recent friends didn´t get to know... they know who I was before who I am... and sometimes, you need to be reminded...

1995

On a cloudy morning, I arrived at school with baggy eyes. There had been another argument at home and I hadn´t gotten much sleep. In those days I dealt with drama the only way a thirteen year old knew how – I wrote a letter to my best friend and gave it to her while we waited for the school bell to announce the beginning of classes.

As my best friend read my letter, “She” came around... teased me about something and then grabbed the letter from my best friend. At that point, I was annoyed and dealt with it in my usual way – I pleaded that she´d give it back. My best friend however was more feisty that I was and after trying to grab it back, “She” pushed her.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep... I definitely didn´t take on too well on someone pushing my friend... most probably i´d just had enough...

So I grabbed her by the collar and threw her threw the open door.

Clearly taken by surprise, it took her a few seconds to recompose and then try and push me.

Again, I grabbed her by the collar and threw her against the nearest tables.

I hadn´t realised I pushed her so hard until I saw the chairs fall over...

And then there was the cheering... I don´t think I ever heard my classmates ever cheer me on for anything and it felt good... too good...

So I picked her up and threw her again... and again... and again...

Funny thing is, all through the fight, I was worried that i´d hurt her, so I kept throwing her towards the blunt tables, where I knew she wouldn’t get too hurt.

At one point, she got up... and ran out the class faster than a jumbo jet takes off...

Since I was the one that “threw” the first punch, I got detention and my dad was called to the school. Great! More drama!

I got out of the principal’s office, went to fetch my bag and made my way downstairs to my next class... as I went down the stairs, I saw her..

“She” was waiting for me... and I readied myself for Round 2...

But instead, she grabbed my hand and told me that she was sorry and asked me if we could forget about the incident.

Phew! – Here I was worried that I might not be so lucky in round 2 – “She” was butch and not afraid of me... and clearly the more mature of the two... or so I thought...

2011

I don´t know how “She” found me on facebook... but I was happy to see her name. “She” was the first black student to ever set foot in our school and I´d always admired her courage and self-confidence...

On one particular night, we recalled that cloudy morning...

As it so happens, she no longer remembers the reason why the fight started, she distinctly remembers running out of the classroom and the reason she apologised is because she was afraid that my dad would be called in – because according to her, back then everybody´s dad is big and scary!

Isn´t it funny how two people can have distinct perspectives on the same memory?... just goes to show that you don´t really know what´s going on in someone else´s head.

According to her, the little girl that seemed self-confident to me was really close to peeing in her pants the day she got introduced to her new class.

Knowing this hasn´t changed my perspective of her – she´s still one of those women that I will always reference to – one of the most courageous women I know.

Sometimes, we´re so busy amplifying our own fears and insecurities that we don´t realise that the people around us are too busy looking at theirs to even notice ours.

Keep your old friends – they remind you of who you were and how far you´ve come.

Thanks guys =)

Stuck in an elevator...

Photosource: Unknown

I often catch myself saying “that only happens in the movies…” but I never stop to consider that if “that” was put in a movie maybe there´s something to it… as it so happens, in real life we are but fortune´s fools… so why can´t certain things that we look for in movies happen in real life? As it so happens… I experienced one of those moments…

Imagine being stuck in an elevator… an old one… those tiny ones that closer with a running latch that squeak as they go up and down…

Four women looking drop dead gorgeous panic as the elevator stops but doesn´t open the door.

The alarm button doesn´t work…

The emergency phone number is one of those old one´s that went out of service years ago… and inside the elevator the air is getting thick and stuffy…

They bang on the door and shout for help… somebody replies but no one knows where they elevator key is… nobody will tell them on what floor they are on.

Luckily, in this scene, one of them still has network and battery… so she calls her husband – the IT guy, who knows nothing about elevators but knows that if he calls the general emergency number – they´ll put him through to the fire brigade.

And that´s how it happened…

40 minutes later 5 young, eager and fully uniformed firemen opened the elevator door to find 4 gorgeous damsels in distress…

As the door opened and I glanced upon the faces of my saviours, I took a few seconds to take a deep breath… and burst out laughing!

As it so happens, the belle´s in the elevator were drop dead gorgeous thanks to the make-up workshop they´d just left and the real hero is my IT husband that remembered to call the emergency number...

To me it felt like one of those cheesy scenes from a movie… as it so happens, I wasn´t the only one laughing as they opened the door – according to my husband, it looked more like a scene from a porn movie… Go figure!

Useless rambling...

Photosource: Unknown

It once again occurs to me that we are no more that fate´s puppets, that none of us truly have hold of our destiny and that no matter what choices we make there are obstacles in our path that we simply can´t avoid.
Easy isn´t it… to consider that we have no control of what happens, yet knowing that every consequence originates from a decision you make.
Because everything you do and say makes a difference.
Ironic isn´t it? That you have the power of choice in your hands and that even so the outcome isn´t in your control.
All my life I´ve fought for control because I refused to be fate´s fool and because I knew that whatever I wanted from life – I´d have to fight for it.
But it´s not all up to me.
I don´t get to decide it all… and there are times when it´s simply not my place or my choice.
The older I grow, the more I ponder.
It has nothing to do with age or fear or even because I have more to lose than before.
It´s about consciousness, seeing and knowing how much of what I decide affects those around me.
It used to bother me that nobody took my words and thoughts seriously.
Now it bothers me how much influence my opinion has on the decisions people make.

I´m Angry,
Frustrated,
and Hurt

I wish I could rearrange the pieces of a puzzle and build a different picture.
And if only I could turn off the problems of the world, I could enjoy the happiness I own.
But my heart has always bled for those I care about and it´s hard to smile when one of them weeps.

More control, sometimes I wish I had the power to make a bigger difference
But who am I to say what is wrong or right in the world?
Am I to trust that the universe knows what it´s doing?
Or should I fear that fortune should look upon on me as its next fool to toy with.
There´s a fine line between selflessness and selfishness
Only our hearts know the differences and the similarities between them.

Sometimes I feel like writing
Other times I want to scream
Too often I´ve felt like crying
Mostly it all stays silent in my heart.

It´s amazing what can change in one year.

(Obrigado Amor pela força que me dás em dias tristes. Pelo Amor, a Amizade e a Paciência com que me aturas… e por lembrares-me de todas as coisas boas que me fazem sorrir… mesmo em momentos amargos, fazes-me saborear o doce. Ao teu lado eu sou Feliz.)

Reevaluations

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The older I get, the more I realise that the most precious thing you´ll ever own is time… Your whole life is based on how you manage time and what you do with it.
Love, Friendship, Career… even your hobbies, take time.
It´s not quite a question of whether you have it or not – we all get the same amount a day and yet as we look around us it seems that everyone else gets more or less time than we do.
No one has the right amount of time on their hands.
Either they´re suffocated by the excess of time that slowly refuses to pass… or they have so little of it that it seems there´s never enough of it to get everything done.
I´m in the latter phase.
It seems like regardless of the effort I invest in getting things done, I just can´t do it all.
I prioritize, make sure I get the important things done first but even so as I close my eyes just before I go to sleep, I feel like i´ve cheated myself with time.
The older I get, the more intolerant I become to people who waste my time.
I hate queues.
I hate waiting.
I resent the time I invest in those that don´t appreciate it.
Perhaps it´s time I stop giving minutes and hours to that and those that wouldn´t do the same for me…
Because once you´ve given it, you can´t take it back.

25 Minutes to Midnight

I just finished the last of my summaries on English Literature and realise that even with the long weekend… I’m have one subject behind.
Will I ever manage to catch up?
These days all I do is sleep, work, study and worry…
I wish I had more hours…
I wish I had a magic wand even if it were just to fix the things in the lives of the people around me… I wish I had the powers of a fairy godmother.
I’m tired, and often I wonder about the sacrifices I’m putting the people around me through just so I can chase after my dream.
The butterfly on my ankle was put there to remind me of my own strength and to remind me what I’ve overcome and am capable of coming through.
These days she looks a bit faded…
Lately it’s my man’s persistence that gets me out of bed, which forces me to concentrate even though it cracks at my nerves to hear the vacuum cleaner accusing me of not participating in the chores…
It seems like he has more faith in me than I do.
My right hand has been substituted by my mother-in-law who is no less than an angel who not only irons baskets full of clothes but even mends an item here and there. I feel guilty when she even offers to do the washing; it seems like even that I can’t get done on time!
Having people work around me makes me feel useless and tardy and embarrassed that I can’t hold my own fort.
But I humbly recognize that without this help, I simply couldn’t embrace this three year project that seems to be more for my self-achievement than an actual career advance.
I learnt early in life that you need to fight for everything you achieve in life.
I’m learning now that you can’t do everything alone.
I still wish I had a magic wand…
…but grateful that I don’t need one to make my niece smile.

Morning Murder

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Every morning the alarm clock goes off just before 6am
This doesn´t mean I go to bed early – it only means I get up early!
It also means that I’m deprived of sleeping time.
So the first thing I do when I seat myself on the train is put by backpack on top of the air-conditioning, lean my head to the side and catch up on my snooze…
43minutes of nap time is crucial for me to arrive at work in a good mood, so why is it that some morning I get off the train wanting to strangle every living thing around me?
Chickens!!!
I call them chickens because of their annoying cackling!
Unlike normal people who talk quietly on trains – these loud hens have to make sure that everyone on the train carriage knows that they prefer the train to the bus because it´s safer and because there is no traffic to scare them, or that they can hear their neighbour making noise after hours…
Not only do they enlighten every living soul condemned to be sitting in the same carriage with them to knowing this useless piece of information, but they also take 43 whole minutes elaborating on these two pieces of very interesting information to make sure everyone got the picture…
Road Rage?!!! Foul mood?!!!
One morning train ride with these blabbermouths and you´ll also develop homicidal tendencies!