Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Sunshine’s Column – Blog Description

Photosource: Unknown
Recently I received an e-mail from a real-time search engine dedicated for fast feed discovery called feedmil asking me for a description of my blog.
They already have my feed page linked on feedmil and all they asked for was a description of my blog to put under “words from the author”

Surprised to say the least, it took me a while to register the request and even longer to figure out the description to send them.
Asking me to describe my blog is like asking me to describe myself.
I’ve never been good at it.
Not because I don’t know who I am but because there’s so much contradiction to me that it reduces to a simple “I’m just me” – it’s the best description I can come up with. Oddly enough this description is normally followed by the tune of Meredith Brook’s “I’m a bitch” playing in my head (to which now I will proceed to hum to myself the for rest of the day).

But you can’t exactly describe a blog as “this is my blog” nor did I wanted to resume it as “these are the adventures and misadventures of Sunshine” or worse “this is Sunshine’s story”. I decided to stick the main objective of the description which is to enlighten readers on what it’s all about… so what is it all about?

Someone once told me that the best poets and writers are chronically depressed. Under a sane frame of mind no work of depth can be created. Although I don’t consider myself to fall under the catagory "great writer" I never agreed with this opinion due to the fact that I’ve always been keen on sharing my thoughts regardless of my state of spirit and that my inspiration always comes from the same place, my soul.
Six years and 358 published posts later, my opinion hasn´t changed.
I must admit though, I’ve reduced in the amount of posts I write ever since I met and hooked up with my better half.
However, I don’t attribute this reduction to the idea that I’m happier and therefore have less to say. The way I see it, my increased happiness only increased the amount of things I want to write about. However, now that I have someone to share my moments with I decided to invest my time more in living these moments than writing about them.

So why continue writing if there’s already someone paying witness to my life and if these days there are so few readers accompanying my writing?
I can honestly say that I’ve never written for anyone else but myself. Often I need to “hear” myself think and when I write I give myself the opportunity to see what’s really going on in my soul. It’s easier to resort to logic and somebody else’s answer than to search inside yourself for your true path. I’ve always said that my most important career is “being myself” – this blog makes it just that much easier.

After writing this post and reading it back to myself, I finally managed to write the description I feel my blog should have:

Sunshine’s column is the perspective of a young woman living the things worth writing about and writing the things worth reading. A compilation of experiences of someone trying to write her own life’s story whilst trying to live life without following the instruction manuals written by everyone else. She writes these experiences as a way of mirroring her perspective to herself, a way of "hearing" herself think. She shares these thoughts in hope that as she figures things out, maybe they will help someone else figure things out too.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


Photosource: Movie "Closer"
I recently read a post that got me thinking of the questions that I still don’t have the answers to: “Merecer Mais”
What do you do when you feel that you’re not getting what you desire, need or deserve?
Do you fight and demand that which you feel that you should be getting?
Do you throw away everything you’ve invested in to look for it somewhere else?

Sometime ago, I would’ve said that the answer would be to talk to the person that can make it happen and if you can’t reach a compromise then it’s time to let go and go after that which will satisfy those needs.
I came to understand, that it’s not that simple…

Not everything can be compromised on and that not everyone has the capacity to see and understand your point of view.
What if the things you don’t want are directly parallel to those that you do?
Then what?
You accept defeat and resign yourself to do things “their way” to avoid conflict and eventually losing that which you care about?
This is not compromise.
How many of these shattering defeats do you accept before losing yourself to someone else’s desires and circumstances?
You begin to lose focus of the things you like and the things you want to do and eventually when someone asks you you’ll honestly reply:
“I don’t know”
One day you will catch yourself staring at your own reflection and not recognising the person looking back at you.
It is the point no one wants to find themselves at, and so many people do.

You can’t always have things your way.
But some things can’t be compromised.
Where is the boundary to which you should give in to and to which you shouldn’t?
Sometimes it’s easier to go along with what the other person wants than to argue your point of view.

Some people feel that it’s easier to resign yourself to the bad instead of risking looking for better.
I feel that it’s easier to pack a bag and leave than to deal with the bad.
Whatever angle you see it from; it’s an inner conflict that needs to be dealt with.

I don’t have answers.
I asked my heart what it wanted and what it was prepared to sacrifice in order to have it.
I then put all my forbidden dreams, needs and wants far in the back of my mind.
Often I remember them; there will always be something to remind me of them…But I extinguish the desire by reminding my heart of that which made me sacrifice it in the first place.
There are easier days than others.

Despite all of this, I still believe that every first move should be communication.
Communicate with yourself and then communicate with the other person or people involved.
It’s not always easy to find the courage to express what you feel.
But to avoid doing so is to sacrifice another piece of your identity.
The conversation may not come to the conclusion you want it to, but it’s easier to deal with defeat when you at least tried.
Stay… Leave… keep it all the same.
Change your style,
Change your job,
Change your life...
Or don’t…
Change your attitude,
Change your priorities,
Change your dreams…
But whatever changes you make or don’t make in your life, let it not compromise your heart’s deepest desires.
That is what I believe is being true to yourself all about.