Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Monday Evening

Picturesource: unknown
We ate an early dinner, sat in front of the heater, snuggled up and watched four episodes of Dr. House.

I didn´t study the traffic code,
Nor organise those CD´s,
I didn´t bother with my IRS papers,
Or prepare my backpack for the next day´s hydro class…

We ate an early dinner, sat in front of the heater, snuggled up and watched four episodes of Dr. House.

I didn´t look up the university information over the Internet,
Nor water the plants,
I didn´t bother with the basket of clothes that need ironing,
Or prepare my lunch for the next day…

I just sat and ran my fingers through his hair whilst my favourite TV séries showed on the screen.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Getting Older

Photosource: Unknown
What I most admire about children is their ability to lose themselves in something simple…
You´ll probably entertain yourself with a yoyo or a ball for about fifteen minutes before putting it down – but give it to a child and they´ll probably be at it for hours.
It´s more than just an object or a toy, it´s something they give their total attention and dedication to. Children allow themselves to become passionate over the simple stuff.
I spent countless hours on a swing as a kid but it was the box of legos that kept me still for hours on end... I simply couldn´t tear myself away! It was the toy that gave my imagination free reign!

As life´s disappointments start falling on you one by one… one learns to detach themselves from the simple pleasures in order to avoid crashing disappointment.
Then suddenly things start to lose meaning…
Better not get too attached to that jacket… i´ll grow out of it.
Better not get too attached to that watch, it was only a guilt gift.
Don´t expect him to eagerly, he won´t show.
We cut down on our hopes and expectations so that we don´t get disappointed… we even cut down on our dreams.

I finally realised what it is that I lost in the last two years in Lisbon that I most feel robbed of: I lost my dreams.
Not that I ever stopped dreaming… I simply stopped believing that any of them would come true.

To dare to believe…
To dare to dream…
Is to risk tears.
Are tears so bad if they make you feel alive?
I´ve come to appreciate the lyrics of a song recently played on the rádio:
“As long as I´m crying I don´t go blind.”

I lost something important to me…
Something that I gave more meaning to than it´s true meaning when given to me.
I could remind myself what it truly symbolises… tell myself that is merely an object…
Perhaps my heart would hurt a little less…
But in doing so, how many more things do I devalue, take out the meaning and remove the "special" from?

Maturity doesn´t simplify things, it just gives you more ways and reasons to avoid the hurt.

I begin to loathe every white hair that appears on my head and long for my years of simplicity and passion.