Saturday, December 06, 2003

On the market

I´ve been told that Prince Charming is a myth.
The more we search for Mr. Right, the more we find all the Mr. Wrongs and we then realise that the picture of the fairytale soulmate we have in our heads is just a dream short of reality.
This is the disappointment that kills our souls... When you take a look around you and you can´t see one single person that can fit into your world. It´s a terrible crisis when you find yourself in the “dating years” but you can´t find anyone who you want to spend your time with...
A while ago, I was preached to by some of my closest friends who decided that it was about time that I started dating. I was told that I was wasting my youth by not going out there and “trying out” all the different kind of guys that life surrounded me with.
Most girls know exactly who their “type” is. Be it tall, dark and handsome, suit and tie or the jock look... girls know what it is that turn them on the most.
Not knowing exactly who my “type” is... I decided to take a look around me to see what it is that my other girlfriends were looking for.
Justin Timberlake is what one of my best friends considered as the perfect man. She looked for guys with style and a great sense of humour. A car was one of the main requirements (preferably the sporty kind) and he had to be a romantic. He was the social expert whom she could hide behind whilst every other girl envied her... Considering that I hate the limelight and I can´t stand a guy that wears more hairgel than I do... Justin Timberlake is not the type of guy for me.
A suit and tie is all that it took to make this next friend of mine swoon. All he has to do is walk through the door with the “executive” look upon his face and all her selfconfidence would drop to her feet. A man with drive and ambition, who knows how to play with stocks and figures and chase after corporate dreams... someone who knows what he wants and isn´t afraid to risk his all for it... Of all the household chores, I despise ironing shirts the most and I don´t see myself being attracted to someone who will spend more time on his palmtop than with me.
Rough a rugged. That´s how you describe how most woman love their men. And I have a friend who somehow is magnetically attracted to construction workers or ex-convicts. Although opposites attract, it´s hard to picture why this fragile creature that lives mostly in pink is captivated by dirty jeans and callous fingers. A scar and long hair simply add to the charm... but as much as I try, I can´t see myself with someone who´s vocabulary is limitted to “That´s nice.”
Then there´s the scrawny sensitive type of guys that another of my friends somehow finds alluring. A guy who knows how to play a guitar or spell out poetry has a first class ticket into this girl´s heart. From holding hands to watching sunsets, this is a guy who tells all that is going on in his heart and who demands total devotion... this kind of guy couldn´t possibly understand my carreer goals and therefore wouldn´t be able to deal with a passion that makes a big part of who I am.
The jock, the outdoor man and Mr. Super Active couldn´t possibly be with me if they didn´t grasp the concept of slugging under the blankets with popcorn in front of the TV on a Sunday!
Then what kind of guy is my style? After looking around me and not finding any answers, I looked back and examined the guys that once managed to catch my attention...
The first who caught my eye was a guy who owned a rat called Charlie. His passion was WWF´s undertaker and to this day i´m not sure what it was that drew me to him. What I do remember is his deep blue eyes that could focus deeply into mine. To him, there was more to life that society´s blueprint and his patient viewpoint on life had me smitten...
The next person who caught my attention was someone i´d known for years. I spent my whole childhood fighting with him and had never seen anything special until... a late night with a full moon on a babysitting job. The two of us wrestled each other with pillows. I´m not sure if it was the way the light hit his skin when he took off his shirt or the way he breathed lightly on my neck as he pinned me down and demanded that I ask for mercy... Like a moth drawn to the electric fly mat, I was in for more than a rollercoaster ride. It wasn´t exactly his shoulder length hair that I loved running my fingers through that held me to him. Even though he had a rough edge, that radiated from him, this man knew how to light a candle and talk about something other than sport. I saw his perseverance in his work and studies his passion when talking about his favourite band and guitar player. I saw potential and a man in the making.
Your last years of highschool have no meaning without the “highschool sweetheart” and mine was the kind that would make me want to throw my books at him! Cocky and arrogant! This guy knew how to hold himself up above the teachers and all the girls around him fell to his feet. Just for that Mr. Popularity had my utmost scorn. I couldn´t stand him!... until I got to know him. I was surprised to learn that he wasn´t very much interested in girls that swooned at the sight of him. The porcelain dolls were just something that looked good on your bike and a relationship wasn´t something that he took into lightly. This boy oozed confidence and ambition in life and wasn´t afraid to fight for it. The fact that he could smile at me and tell me about the wonderful weather while I was busy throwing my books at him and threatening to stab him with my pencil still brings warmth in my heart. Being of the peaceful nature that I was, it was amazing to see how he knew to press my buttons to drive my into a frustrated frenzy.
I could tell you more about the other guys who I was attracted to but rather then focus on them, i´d like to focus on the qualities that drew me to them. They´re all very different phsyically and not one of them has a personality to match the other. It´s hard to pinpoint features that attracts me to a man, I guess it all has to do with the magic in their eye... that unmistakable pull that erases the world around and forces me to pay attention.
It´s been a while since I´ve felt that magic. And bitter experience has taught me that that kind of magic is the kind of drug that leaves a trail of a tornado in your life...
Yet... I yielded to pressure and accepted a dinner and movie from a persistant neihbour.
Respectable and decent, my date was nothing short from the kind of guy your parents would be proud for you to be dating. Stable job and clean car, his hobbies were not of the nocturnal nature and yet he had an album collection that would put a CD store to shame. He put on the perfect music playing in the background when he picked me up. After dinner we checked out the latest bestsellers in the bookstore and listened to all the best songs in the music store. He was the perfect gentleman with all the right moves and conversation... it was a dream date... my body was present but my mind screamed escape.
I looked into the eyes of the best date i´d had in ages and fell into a deep depression. Is this it? It this the best that´s out there? Scolding myself for being ungrateful and judgemental I tried to concentrate on what he was saying but none of his words captured my soul. I felt nothing, even though I tried an emotion other than admiration for him. No matter how I tried, I couldn´t bring myself to want to spend another perfect date with a guy who obviously deserved far more attention than I was giving. I imagined myself being a part of his life and he a part of mine, and suddenly I preferred instant death rather than percieving that to be my future.
Just because he´s a nice guy doesn´t make him the one for me, nor does a bad ass make him the wrong guy... or vice versa...
I don´t know... I guess that I simply haven´t found what i´m looking for. I might not know what I want, but at least I know what I don´t, and I´d rather be alone that keep “dating” people that will never fit in with my puzzle. So yes guys... I´m an elligible single girl with a bright future but i´m off the market... so go play with your barbies and quit trying to screw up my world.