Sunday, February 25, 2007

Born to be Free

Photosource: Luis Sardinha (Kalash)

I recently received one of those e-mails with a brilliant story… in short it goes as follows:

King Arthur decided to spare a young thief's life on the condition that in one year the boy would discover the answer to the following question:
“What do women really want?”
The boy traveled across the world, interviewed thousands of women and yet came home clueless. He was then advised to see the local witch, if anyone had the answer it would be her. The boy then went to the witch who agreed to give him the answer on the condition that his best friend Lancelot would marry her. Being an old, fat and ugly hag this was the biggest sacrifice the boy could ask of his best friend however in order to save his best friend's life, his friend didn't think twice in agreeing. The witch gave the boy the answer which was satisfactory to the king and the boy was saved. The answer was:
“Women want the freedom do decide”
During the wedding reception the witch horrified the guests with her rude behaviour. She ate with her hands, burped and behaved nothing like a lady should. However through the whole ceremony, her new husband was patient with her, showing no signs of repulsion.
When the wedding night came, he waited for her patiently in their bedroom. He was surprised when a beautiful and elegant woman walks in and tells him that she is his bride.
“For having been so patient with me during the ceremony, I'm going to give you the choice of having me this beautiful but only for part of the day. You must decide whether you want me beautiful during the day or during the night”
(What would your choice be?!)
Lancelot replied that she should rather choose and with that answer she replied:
“In that case I want to be beautiful for you always”
Moral of the Story: A woman transforms into whatever you treat her as.

If you believe that behaviour generates behaviour then you assume half of the responsibility of the attitude people choose to have towards you.
This works both ways.

I believe that you get back whatever you put out.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Evening Date

Photosource: Judi

I closed the door and took a deep breath.
Nervous… from anticipation… from having waited all day for that moment…
Knowing that the moment was now finally mine; my body began to relax as I took my sweet time taking my clothes off.
I unbuttoned my sweater and slowly pealed each garment off my body, piece by piece.
Time to turn on the heat…
Pausing briefly, I admired my pale skin in the mirror and decided that this summer I'd have to invest time under the sun.
Taking one last deep breath, I braced myself before surrendering entirely to the impulse…

I love taking a shower…
It's the one moment of the day I can block the world out and take full acknowledgement of myself.
The moment of the day I attend to my needs, to the cleanliness of my body… heart and soul.
To feel the warmth seep into my skin… unknotting the tension… caressing my body…
I close my eyes and feel every muscle loosen… relax… unwind…
The sweet shiver as my fingers massage my scalp…
That heavenly shampoo aroma…
Soap bubble whispers in my ears…
I take my time with the sponge, traveling down and around every contour…
Until I reach my toes… by then my body is covered in a sweet smelling lather.
I love the way my naked body feels all soaped up…
Sweet… vulnerable… all woman.
Closing my eyes… I submerge under the shower…
I love the way the water flows…
The feel of it… as it travels down my body…
It's touch… it's warm kiss…
The way it envelopes me.
And when it stops…
I love the feel of the steam rising from my body.

I write his name on misty tiles
Before wrapping myself in a big towel and drying all evidence of my affair…
drop by drop.
Until tomorrow…

Friday, February 16, 2007

The Singles

Photosource: Serija

For those of you who have never played the computer game “Singles” I recommend it! It's a game that helps you realize that it's a lot easier to get laid than to build a strong relationship.

But the game isn't what inspired this post. Correction… My inspiration didn't come from the virtual game but the daily one we all seem to be unconsciously playing.
Shooting Cupid earned me really good feedback and motivated ideas that encouraged the following post: Na pele do Outro

For those of you who can't read Portuguese; the general idea can be summarized into the following:
There are four types of single guys:

The happy bloke: Hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time but isn't particularly bothered by it considering he has a lot of other activities to fill his time with (namely work)

The desperate dude: Women immediately pick up on his desperation and send him packing. The vicious cycle continues until either he falls into another category or falls out the single category (the least frequent of results).

The unresigned: This guy is only sad because he doesn't like to be alone but he makes the effort to go out and meet new people. This guy is more selective in his choice of women.

And lastly:

The seducer: Women respond better to these guys but unfortunately he's not willing to give up his life of freedom.

I don't think I've ever bothered to catalogue the singles nor do I feel the temptation to attempt such an act… the way I see it, most singles are single because they're too busy working out their prerequisites on the partner they want than to actually bother to get to know the people around them.
It's a selfish era… so selfish that people wait want to be fought for but don't fight for that and those they care about.

What’s my excuse?
I'd say if I had to be catalogued I'd fall under the happily unresigned. On most days I'm happy on my own but there are days such as Valentine’s, engagement parties and couple’s outings that made me wish there was someone I was sharing my moments with. As I once said before, I won't settle for just anyone just to be with someone. I'd rather be alone than to be with someone who's just there for convenience’s sake.
Call me demanding, I'm only asking for what I'm able and willing to give in return and if that's asking for a lot then it's because I'm worth a lot.

From single men to single women… are there significant changes?
Instead of cataloguing women, he merely mentioned the bold and ugly. The “ugly” can always do something to their image and self-esteem (Couldn't agree with you more! As I always say; there's no such thing as ugly women… only poor women!).
The bold AKA intelligent and beautiful, have been hit on so much that they've become super selective. The shy guys don't bother to come close and the only one's who get ahead are the seducers.
My opinion to that is that a shy guy intelligent enough to make a move normally doesn't end off single. No woman wants a man that won't put in the effort to be with her; shy guys aren’t truly waiting for the woman to make the move are they?
And as for the seducers… let's just say that most women don't like to be alone, as a friend of mine once said “whilst waiting for the right one, you might as well have fun with all the wrong ones”. You'll notice that the seducer doesn’t get through the door though and that the woman will intelligently reserve that place for someone that's worth it.

It's easy to generalize but the truth is that everyone has their own reasons for being single, it's not a disease you suffer from and rather an intelligent choice for those who don't couple off just for the sake of mating, social stature or singlephobia.

Whatever you status is… make sure you feel comfortable in your own shoes; you never know when that status will change. Allow it to be a choice of fate and not one of resignation.
I'm a hopeless romantic single who's stated her case.

Golden Arrow Aim Award


Working in quality I've learnt an important lesson:
Don't only focus on what went wrong.
Cupid may need practice but it doesn't mean the little brat is incompetent; in some cases he can be pretty good at what he does (otherwise someone would've fired him by now!)
And this year’s Golden Arrow Aim Award goes to…

The Three Hour Drive

Worse than having Cupid fail on Valentine’s Day is the phone calls from your friends which he came through for, this call though managed to restore my faith in Cupid’s potential.
Shortly after midnight I got the call that earned the award. Not only do I consider this story to be worth the award, I'm mostly chuffed about the two people that it involved.
Cupid… you still manage to get some things right!
So what happened?
A certain someone took the day off and a three hour drive just to surprise and spend the day with his Valentine. He didn't get the roses but he scored with the following winning phrase:
“The trip down here is worth seeing the smile on your face”

Who wouldn't want to spend the special day with someone who truly wants to spend it with you?!
Someone who had a 6am shift the following morning and yet stayed until midnight.

Impressed! So much so that I couldn't resist sending Mr. Valentine a sms to inform him that he'd just gone up 50 points in my books!

While I'm the first to agree that Valentine’s has become a commercialized day and that any other day is a good day to surprise someone you love… the truth of the matter is that I agree with any excuse to create a special moment be on whichever day of the year.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I shot him again!!!

Imagesource: Unknown

On the shittiest day of the year (excuse my french), I always try to assassinate the concept with a smile and a prayer that the twenty four hours fly by in a blink…
And before all of you give me that “it’s a commercialized day, it’s a day like any other”… don’t!... It’s a damn good excuse to tell someone you love them even if they already know; to show them you care; to give wings to your imagination…
The same way Jews don’t care about Christmas, I respect those that don’t pay attention to Valentines… however, please do not try enforce your religion on those that do unless you want the same kind of results in Jerusalem!

Back to the start of my day…
I unfortunately didn’t wake up with the wild contagious rash that I asked for in order to skip work (one of my colleagues did though which makes me seriously worry about the angel administration upstairs… God needs to hire Quality Managers to control prayer processing – I reckon it’s become as bad as the Portuguese political system…
As I was saying; I looked out the window to a beautiful day and cursed Saint Peter for getting into the Valentine’s spirit…
Deciding that the day was much too beautiful to be moody, I decided to straighten my hair and put on a dress for the first time in seven years…
It’s not that I don’t like dresses… it’s just that I don’t like them on me…
They make me feel… girly…
Considering the option was “it’s now or never” I thought… screw it! No one’s paying attention anyway and I wore a dress for the first time since high school uniform...

Things were going great until a colleague of mine decided to show me her wedding photos...
Desperate times call for desperate measures!
I bought a slab of chocolate and all the connotations that go with it and then I bought pink daisies for the people that make my life bearable and that had the misfortune of having to put up with me through the day…
Ironically I found out that besides Valentines Day it’s also Sexual Dysfunction day… No comments!

It’s almost midnight and for the first time during today I’m feeling sad…
Someone upstairs must’ve lost the miracle request I’ve been resending all day…
In fact, they screwed up so that Cupid was downright cruel...
So I shot the bastard again this year...
It’s the yearly Valentine’s competition to see which of the two of us shoot each other first.
So far I’m undefeated, he hasn’t gotten me once!
Oh well… there’s always next year.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Midnight Walk

Photosource: Alfred Stieglitz

I recently told someone that when the sun stops shining he should dance in the rain.
The sun can't shine all the time…
Neither will the grey clouds last out forever.
Little did I know that only hours afterwards, I'd be taking my own advice.

I can't sleep.
My mind plagues me with the thoughts I avoid within dreams I can't control.
Dreams too real… too intense…
The exhausting kind.
And so I avoid closing my eyes
I avoid the place where I lay my head down to sleep
And when the time comes to climb up the stairs onto the second floor… I pump up the volume on my Ipod and we take each other for the midnight walk.

My midnight walks have become a nightly routine.
I love Lisbon at midnight…
She's like a mother that embraces her children at a vulnerable hour;
She protects the prostitute on the corner,
Kisses goodbye the faithful from the church after late mass,
She accompanies the old man walking his Great Dane…
Listens attentively to the two students discussing the abortion referendum underneath the pale light from the lamppost.
She watches the foreigner…
Walking past the gas station with the orange fluorescent lights;
The nursery school with the empty swings;
The church with the cold cement;
Macdonalds… There just seems to be one everywhere!

I contemplated my successes of the day:
Today I made someone smile…
Today I made someone laugh…
Today I made someone feel special…
Today I restored someone's faith in themselves…
I told my little brother that I loved him… I told my dad the same and sent my mom a message telling her I miss her.
Today I hugged a friend…

Tonight… I can't sleep.

Time to go… home.
With my Ipod on my left and time on my right, I turned towards the place I'd once again spend the night tossing and turning…
That's when I felt it…
It wasn't rain…
It wasn't drizzle…
It was the delicate touch of dew…
On my face, in my hair… on my lips…
Like a gentle kiss from the heavens…
The kind that causes that tingling feeling of absolute satisfaction.
Taking a deep breath and my sweet time down the road;
I once again realized that I'm exactly where I'm meant to be.

Wet and content;
I lay my head down to a peaceful sleep that lasted through to the morning.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Michael Buble - Home

Have you ever been chased by a song?
The kind you can’t get out of your head…
It enters your system in a defining moment and holds onto you long after the moment has passed.
After a period where my emotions went through a rollercoaster of confusion, I thanked the good Lord for the moment when things finally made sense and I knew exactly where I was standing, where I’d come from and where I wanted to go.
Wrapping myself in a cocoon of blankets, I looked up at the cupboard where my suitcase lies and that’s when I heard it for the first time…
That song that’s been following me for days…
The song that plays whenever I take a deep breath to quiet my spirit…
It has nothing and everything to do with me,
I catch myself singing the chorus when I’m distracted.
Somewhere in my subconscious, it speaks to me although the only words I’m able to process is:
“I want to go home… Please let me go home”

I’m neither sad nor depressed nor lonely…
It’s just the song my head…
The one that follows me wherever I go…
The song of the moment.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Girl´s Day Out

Photosource: Shannah Carromba

After a particularly rough start to the weekend, my only desire was to take the next plane to that special place in Parque Santa Catarina where I can sit and watch the ships come in.
Unfortunately, my bank account doesn't permit me that luxury and since it wasn't my week to benefit from the Euromillions, I did the next best thing…
I had a day out with the girls… (not forgetting the man)… and the bodyguard brother

There are three musts on a day out with the girls:
Loud Music
Camera and…
Spot the Cutie.

Singing in the car with your friends is one of those things in life that is almost as good as sex!... You release all the pent up stress along with all the blocked energy and evoke the freedom to let your spirit loose!

Photos are a must!
The best pictures you find in your albums are those on days that you go crazy with your friends… on days like these; your soul shines through no matter which angle you take the picture from.
I didn't forget the spare batteries this time (yeah, yeah, I know you guys are still laughing at my Portuguese pronunciation of that one)… but I need to make a mental note NOT to leave them in the car!

Spot the Cutie is game all ladies play… though it’s a lot more fun when played in a group! Normally it's a game best played discreetly... However, the challenge in playing it in a group is to take a proper look!
There were was a red jersey with a really good view from behind and a photographer whose big canon made us want to send out an S.O.S saying “I didn't read the instruction manual, won't you teach me to work this thing”.
Five minutes later the seat next to him was taken which simultaneously caused three “Awws” and one roll of the eyes followed by “women!”
We also saw a sexy convertible and a bad black bike worth noting; however those fell under the: “I'm not looking at you, I'm looking at your machine” category.

As I looked through the photos I took today I recalled a recent post my cousin published about awareness… About seeing things opposed to just looking at them.
The way you see things is your exclusive choice… your responsibility…
I choose to keep looking at things sunny side up.

Still Learning


I recently read a blog with a post about disappointment in which the writer started off by saying that disappointment is inevitable but that making that same mistake twice is just plain pathetic. Idiots like that should just learn… he ended off by telling them that he too was still trying…

One could be forgiven for misreading the signs, after all, not every Jerk; Asshole and Loser come with a warning.
However you have to be a real moron to trust a guy when he himself tells you: “I'm not a nice guy”
Idiots that want to believe wholeheartedly in someone's potential and the best they have to give really should live in another dimension:

Those talks and smiles weren’t attempts to be “nice”, it was the tactic to screw you over… there are idiots who fall for this time and again.
There's no such thing as “nice” in 2007, it’s an outdated word from the past substituted with the modern reality called “convenience”.

Hope is hard to kill…I wish the bitch would just die!
Everybody’s gotta learn sometime right?
That's what us idiots hang on to.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Getting a Grip

Photosource: Betsy Cameron

Beware the fury of the patient woman. – Confucius -

I don’t consider myself to be the most patient person in the world, but when it comes to work I manage to exercise a great amount of patience and calm that often surprises even me.
Pressure, stress… I can handle it well; but injustice is something that will have me climbing walls!
Usually a quick run to the 11th floor and back manages to cool me off, by the time I´m back down on the 3rd floor things are normally in neutral perspective…
But today… none of that helped.
No amount of breathing or thoughts of Zen helped;
I lost my temper!

I lost it and then I felt guilty for losing it…
Then I felt irritated that I felt guilty for rightfully losing it…
Then I once again felt guilty for losing it and for getting irritated, even more irritated for letting it affect me that much…
My sharp remarks and foul mood was felt all day and I finally got the courage to tell a certain account manageress to take a Xanax and relax (Portuguese version of Prozac)
(I’ll admit… that one felt good!)
I felt guilty for the things I said; I felt guilty for the things I didn’t say
I spent the rest of the day miserable.

Knowing you did the right thing doesn’t always console your conscience.

Often in my life I wish I reacted or done things differently but I comfort myself with the fact that in each and every one of those times, I did the best I know how.
This knowledge was doing very little to lighten my spirits and by the end of the night I felt exhausted from the instability I’d created in my mind due to contradictory thoughts.

The touch of a warm hand on my shoulder and the smile of a friendly face at the end of the night is what finally brought me peace of mind.
Without me having to say a word, the person deciphered the inner conflict projected on my face and took the initiative of sharing an opinion and encouraging the basis of my actions.
There’s incalculable power in the understanding of another person.
Even if that person hadn’t agreed with me, the fact that we both came to the conclusion that I’d done the best that I could was the relief I’d been searching for all day…
No amount of stair climbing could’ve had the same effect.

I’m blessed.
Even though I live in one of the most selfish and self-centered eras and cities I still manage to meet and befriend the most amazing people.
Special people that touch your heart in ways you never expected and give meaning to your existence.
People that with the smallest word of understanding, rescue you from yourself.
I’m deeply grateful for that smallest touch that reminded me that we’re all part of something bigger than we are.

I can’t promise perfect decisions, but I can promise the best ones that I’m capable of… and that’s enough to make me worthy of the position I earned.


Thursday, February 01, 2007

Moonlight Confessions

Picturesource: Unknown

I stare at a full moon and ponder the thoughts that keep me awake…
I recall that most of the past moments in which I contemplated the moon this full were restless… unstable and often intense.
Tonight I don't feel any of those things…
I stare at an empty sky where the moon stares back at me on his lonesome and I couldn't be calmer.
Tonight Sunshine and Moonlight keep each other company.

I could swear the moon is smiling at me!
I smile back.

The alchemist came past me today and blew me with a handful of magical sands.
Time stood still and I was permitted to play in my dreams.
He led me through a diamond sky to a calm lake lit to life by the full moon.
Removing the clothes bound to my body, I slid into the cool waters of the lake and let go…
I let go of my thoughts…
Set free my mind, my heart and my spirit.
And as I did so…I smiled and giggled and loved wholeheartedly.
The moment is mine.
I floated upon the water and whispered my secrets to the moon.
He smiled knowingly as he listened carefully to my confessions and to my hearts deepest desires… recording each word to play back to me on another night.

I stepped out the lake and began combing my hair when I noticed the reflection.
At first I thought the moon was merely dancing upon the water,
Enchanted, I was drawn by the magical reflections until I realized that I was staring at a face that wasn't my own.
When I asked the moon why this was so, he answered:
“Only those that do not love see their own reflection”

A woman's heart is as wide and as deep as the ocean…
A lifetime isn't enough to discover all its secrets.
The moon knows… but the moon will never tell.

I left a kiss on the pale face of the full moon and bid him sweet dreams.
He enveloped me in pale light where I slept until the morning.
Morning awaits me as so does the alchemist to take me back to my bed where my body awaits to be stretched.
As my eyes flutter open, they're accompanied by a smile from an evening well spent.

If Sunshine had it her way, every night would be a full moon.