Useless rambling...

Photosource: Unknown

It once again occurs to me that we are no more that fate´s puppets, that none of us truly have hold of our destiny and that no matter what choices we make there are obstacles in our path that we simply can´t avoid.
Easy isn´t it… to consider that we have no control of what happens, yet knowing that every consequence originates from a decision you make.
Because everything you do and say makes a difference.
Ironic isn´t it? That you have the power of choice in your hands and that even so the outcome isn´t in your control.
All my life I´ve fought for control because I refused to be fate´s fool and because I knew that whatever I wanted from life – I´d have to fight for it.
But it´s not all up to me.
I don´t get to decide it all… and there are times when it´s simply not my place or my choice.
The older I grow, the more I ponder.
It has nothing to do with age or fear or even because I have more to lose than before.
It´s about consciousness, seeing and knowing how much of what I decide affects those around me.
It used to bother me that nobody took my words and thoughts seriously.
Now it bothers me how much influence my opinion has on the decisions people make.

I´m Angry,
Frustrated,
and Hurt

I wish I could rearrange the pieces of a puzzle and build a different picture.
And if only I could turn off the problems of the world, I could enjoy the happiness I own.
But my heart has always bled for those I care about and it´s hard to smile when one of them weeps.

More control, sometimes I wish I had the power to make a bigger difference
But who am I to say what is wrong or right in the world?
Am I to trust that the universe knows what it´s doing?
Or should I fear that fortune should look upon on me as its next fool to toy with.
There´s a fine line between selflessness and selfishness
Only our hearts know the differences and the similarities between them.

Sometimes I feel like writing
Other times I want to scream
Too often I´ve felt like crying
Mostly it all stays silent in my heart.

It´s amazing what can change in one year.

(Obrigado Amor pela força que me dás em dias tristes. Pelo Amor, a Amizade e a Paciência com que me aturas… e por lembrares-me de todas as coisas boas que me fazem sorrir… mesmo em momentos amargos, fazes-me saborear o doce. Ao teu lado eu sou Feliz.)

Reevaluations

Photosource: Unknown

The older I get, the more I realise that the most precious thing you´ll ever own is time… Your whole life is based on how you manage time and what you do with it.
Love, Friendship, Career… even your hobbies, take time.
It´s not quite a question of whether you have it or not – we all get the same amount a day and yet as we look around us it seems that everyone else gets more or less time than we do.
No one has the right amount of time on their hands.
Either they´re suffocated by the excess of time that slowly refuses to pass… or they have so little of it that it seems there´s never enough of it to get everything done.
I´m in the latter phase.
It seems like regardless of the effort I invest in getting things done, I just can´t do it all.
I prioritize, make sure I get the important things done first but even so as I close my eyes just before I go to sleep, I feel like i´ve cheated myself with time.
The older I get, the more intolerant I become to people who waste my time.
I hate queues.
I hate waiting.
I resent the time I invest in those that don´t appreciate it.
Perhaps it´s time I stop giving minutes and hours to that and those that wouldn´t do the same for me…
Because once you´ve given it, you can´t take it back.