Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Fate gives and Destiny takes away…

I’ve walked past that display many times. There have been many opportunities to walk in but I simply walked past. It seems that fate was waiting for the right moment to allow us to meet… and then one day, for no particular reason, when my spirits were neither high nor low, I took the opportunity to meet you.

I fell in love with you the minute I met you. There was something in your eyes that made my heart melt. I wasn’t sure at first if you were the ideal one, you were certainly not the kind that I usually attracted to. However, all it took was a little time with you to realise that if I were going to be sharing my heart, it would be without a doubt with you.

An unlikely friendship developed between the two of us. Knowing that you would not have a place in my new lifestyle, my good sense told me to stay away from you. Yet three days was the longest I could stay away before rushing into see you again. The look in your eyes told me you were happy to see me, it kept me thinking of you when we were apart. Even though I tried to avoid it, there was no denying the bond that was developing.

You became the most special secret in my life, I knew what we had wouldn’t last but I held on to it as long as I could. Those that knew our secret either advised me to forget you or to commit to a more permanent relationship. Not having the courage to make either decision, I let things be hoping that with some miracle our fate would somehow fall into place.

One day I wanted to be with you and you were no longer there. My life offered more valuable things to occupy my mind with but they lost their worth with the lack of your presence. Most of the time, I manage to convince myself that my decisions related to you are the right ones. On quieter times, I find myself wishing that I had the courage to overlook my reasons and find someway for the two of us to work. Perhaps I’m too proud… or too afraid, but the decision I made was the best I could come up with.

The puppy at the store was sold to someone else. It’s not that I couldn’t afford him, it’s that I wasn’t sure I could maintain him. Although money was tight, with a little sacrifice I know I could make it work. However, I was sure of the love that I could offer him, but I was certain he’d end up hating me after neglect I was surely to give in return. It isn’t fair that he would spend hours alone by himself while I work. I know that there would be times when I arrived home and didn’t feel like playing catch or teach him tricks. I know how to potty train him, but were would I find the time and patience? The precious moments we spent together at the pet store were wonderful, but I knew that living together would require so much more dedication from me. I’m just not ready…

In future, I will definitely want to adopt a dog and the right one will without a doubt be there for the occasion. However, I know that this particular one will stay in my heart for a long while still. There wasn’t really anything specially different about him that I could point out, I suppose it was just the way he bit my finger, wagged his tail when he saw me or smiled as if he understood everything I spoke.

In the same way there are people that come into our lives that we never forget. They might not stay long or say much but they leave ever lasting tracks in your memory lane. When remembering these people, we often wish that the reasons that took them away had never happened, that time could turned back and that we could rewrite our history. Knowing that this is not possible, all we can really do is appreciate the special people in our lives knowing that at any time they can go away.

PS. I know you’re still reading. I miss you.

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