Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Introspection


Photosource: Movie "Closer"
I recently read a post that got me thinking of the questions that I still don’t have the answers to: “Merecer Mais”
What do you do when you feel that you’re not getting what you desire, need or deserve?
Do you fight and demand that which you feel that you should be getting?
Do you throw away everything you’ve invested in to look for it somewhere else?

Sometime ago, I would’ve said that the answer would be to talk to the person that can make it happen and if you can’t reach a compromise then it’s time to let go and go after that which will satisfy those needs.
I came to understand, that it’s not that simple…

Not everything can be compromised on and that not everyone has the capacity to see and understand your point of view.
What if the things you don’t want are directly parallel to those that you do?
Then what?
You accept defeat and resign yourself to do things “their way” to avoid conflict and eventually losing that which you care about?
This is not compromise.
How many of these shattering defeats do you accept before losing yourself to someone else’s desires and circumstances?
You begin to lose focus of the things you like and the things you want to do and eventually when someone asks you you’ll honestly reply:
“I don’t know”
One day you will catch yourself staring at your own reflection and not recognising the person looking back at you.
It is the point no one wants to find themselves at, and so many people do.

You can’t always have things your way.
But some things can’t be compromised.
Where is the boundary to which you should give in to and to which you shouldn’t?
Sometimes it’s easier to go along with what the other person wants than to argue your point of view.

Some people feel that it’s easier to resign yourself to the bad instead of risking looking for better.
I feel that it’s easier to pack a bag and leave than to deal with the bad.
Whatever angle you see it from; it’s an inner conflict that needs to be dealt with.

I don’t have answers.
I asked my heart what it wanted and what it was prepared to sacrifice in order to have it.
I then put all my forbidden dreams, needs and wants far in the back of my mind.
Often I remember them; there will always be something to remind me of them…But I extinguish the desire by reminding my heart of that which made me sacrifice it in the first place.
There are easier days than others.

Despite all of this, I still believe that every first move should be communication.
Communicate with yourself and then communicate with the other person or people involved.
It’s not always easy to find the courage to express what you feel.
But to avoid doing so is to sacrifice another piece of your identity.
The conversation may not come to the conclusion you want it to, but it’s easier to deal with defeat when you at least tried.
Stay… Leave… keep it all the same.
Change your style,
Change your job,
Change your life...
Or don’t…
Change your attitude,
Change your priorities,
Change your dreams…
But whatever changes you make or don’t make in your life, let it not compromise your heart’s deepest desires.
That is what I believe is being true to yourself all about.

2 comments:

Luis Sardinha said...

You are absolutely right!
Don't run after thing that you want is wrong and makes you unhappy. You always try to achieve what you want, firstly by conversation of the other part.
If both of you are reasonable, there will be an border comfortable for both.
I think the trick is to try to understand putting in the other skin and see the world like she/he does.
Is not always easy but I think if love exists, this mutual border will appear.

I truly believe it does. If not she/he eventually leaves and in my case I don't want this to happen.

Clairvoyant said...

This time I only came in to let you know about my new blog. The old one was at a dead end for more than a year now, and I missed writing. So here it is: http://diabo-a-4.blogspot.com

Come in for pretzels and tea, I'm waiting for you.