Monday, November 01, 2010

25 Minutes to Midnight

I just finished the last of my summaries on English Literature and realise that even with the long weekend… I’m have one subject behind.
Will I ever manage to catch up?
These days all I do is sleep, work, study and worry…
I wish I had more hours…
I wish I had a magic wand even if it were just to fix the things in the lives of the people around me… I wish I had the powers of a fairy godmother.
I’m tired, and often I wonder about the sacrifices I’m putting the people around me through just so I can chase after my dream.
The butterfly on my ankle was put there to remind me of my own strength and to remind me what I’ve overcome and am capable of coming through.
These days she looks a bit faded…
Lately it’s my man’s persistence that gets me out of bed, which forces me to concentrate even though it cracks at my nerves to hear the vacuum cleaner accusing me of not participating in the chores…
It seems like he has more faith in me than I do.
My right hand has been substituted by my mother-in-law who is no less than an angel who not only irons baskets full of clothes but even mends an item here and there. I feel guilty when she even offers to do the washing; it seems like even that I can’t get done on time!
Having people work around me makes me feel useless and tardy and embarrassed that I can’t hold my own fort.
But I humbly recognize that without this help, I simply couldn’t embrace this three year project that seems to be more for my self-achievement than an actual career advance.
I learnt early in life that you need to fight for everything you achieve in life.
I’m learning now that you can’t do everything alone.
I still wish I had a magic wand…
…but grateful that I don’t need one to make my niece smile.


Luis Sardinha said...

When do you realize that your study is work?
Work much more important than cleaning or iron.
Concentrate on the most important objectives, leave everything else behind.
Your dream is something that you fight so much, now you have the conditions to achieve it.
Me, my mother and everyone in my family can't help you directly but we can do the other things giving you time to do the important part ;)
Focus on the things that matter, leave everything else to me.

Love you

Clairvoyant said...

A certain inversion of roles if compared to what I thought for myself. Now I could really use that cup of coffee we´ve talked about some months ago. You´re trailling in a path I too persuit too long. Time for some advice from you for a change? Pretty please?

I shall wait paciently for your answer for when it might be possible to get the men, the women and the dogs togheter.

Best of luck and keep your chin up, even if you are so tired that your mouth gets into ash tray mode as you fall asleep.

Madalena said...

my sunshine! :) Beijo grandeee*
espero-te bem *

Anonymous said...

Oh I have a ‘baby’ thesis to complete this semester and I am dreading it and hopefully if I get started now instead of procrastinating then I won’t have to endure on many midnight cramming. And making your niece smile than made me smile because my sister is expecting and I hope to make her smile with little effort when she comes into this world soon.