Thursday, February 07, 2008

Onion Rings

Photosource: Unknown

One of the most interesting concepts I learnt in my courses in Reiki is that when you think you´ve overpassed some or other issue in your life – it comes back to haunt you.
Frustrating isn´t it?
That you think you´re over something and then you realise you have to deal with it all over again.
I used to consider this a weakness, regression in growth – a failure in humanity.
As it so happens, and to my relief at the time this shouldn´t be considered as regression but as growth.
Well if you consider that evolution envolves new perspective than the issue you dealt with yesterday is now seen from a different angle… it´s the new angle in an old story that you´re dealing with – or as my instructor lovingly described as another ring in the same onion.

I´ve once again bit the onion and much to my disdain, am having a hard time digesting it. And what brings me to tears isn´t the fact that I have to deal with an old issue, it´s the fact that it redefines who I am and whichever way I choose, I can´t go both ways.

So what´s the issue? Independence.
For those that have been reading, this has to be one of my highest priorities.
It´s not that i´m at risk of losing it but today I deal with it from a different angle…

The turning point of my life was the realization that I depended on me. This knowledge made the absolute difference in every aspect of my life and I gained the courage to take risks… big risks… insane risks because the only person at risk is me… it´s my life, my decisions and my responsibility.
I packed, I moved, I risked and I love the control I have over my life… the fact that I can do with it whatever I please. If tomorrow I decided to become a workaholic student stripper than I could – because it´s my life and because I can.

A bad move accompanied with major disappointment lost me some of my courage to make drastic changes for a while… I become stagnant, resigned to licking my wounds until I decided again what I wanted to do… what kept me going was the knowledge that my life was still in my own hands.

Then there were two…
And everything changes, including your priorities because whatever decision you make affects the other half.
It´s easy to tell each other “I´m happy if you´re happy, so make the decisions that make your happy – i´ll live with whatever you decide”
This works well when choosing clothes, movies, dinner…
But when it comes to more serious decisions it´s limitting… because when you make decisions today with long term effects you have to consider your tomorrow before you make them. Trust me – I´ve bought and abandoned an apartment before and i´m still living with the after affects of a bad decision “If I knew then what I know now…”

So what do you do when you´re in a relationship and you need to make decisions with long term effects?
Do you live as if only today exists and opt not to invest in longterm projects for two because you don´t know if tomorrow things will be different…
Or do you trust in what you have today, believe it will last forever and build on that?
This isn´t to say that things can´t be resolved and divided when two people split up… but how do you build solid decisions on that possibility?
It may be wise to make decisions with a Plan B, but I find it exhausting to look over my shoulder at the possibility that things could go wrong.
I´d like to stick to Plan A and dedicate myself completely to it – if it fails, i´ll make a new Plan A.

In the meantime, I fall into comfortable routines, adopt someone else´s house as my home and fall completely and utterly in love with a family and a dog that I can´t consider mine – because it´s not gauranteed, it´s on loan.

It´s best to chew onions slowly…


Luis Sardinha said...

Let me start from the end…

Nothing is guaranteed, we do not control the future and, like you sad, when we think that have everything in rails a stone may appear in our way and make us change our path.
Keeping the plan B open in order to have an escape is exhausting and with that we can not concentrate completely on plan A. Meanwhile, I think that we must have the conscious that things can go wrong and make an “insurance”. I think this option is some type of mid-term and for me is the better choice. Make the “insurance” and live thinking that plan A will last forever (I believe it will).

So, stay comfortable on the routines and consider the family and dog as yours because they are.
Everything is a loan… even life.

DRC said...

Everything is on loan, i've to agree with that.

But you know and everybody knows that choices aren't easy to make, even the more simple ones. Bad decision we can say is the one we can't live with it's consequences, you've mencioned an apartment for instance, it's empty? Rent it! You decided to break an egg, make an omolet (with the due analogy off course)

Above all, stay with a clean conscious...

"tomorrow I decided to become a workaholic student stripper than I could" - Nice thought, i loved it :P

Clairvoyant said...

It was a bit difficult reading this post due to having people talking next to me, but from what I could make of it, all the talk of the first part resumes to one word: experience.

Experience is gained by living and learning, and the new angles are found when you learn to avoid the most basic difficulties.

Your doubt, in going ahead with a relationship... I seem to recall telling you, lookig deep in your eyes, if it feels right, it must be right.

If you choose not to be happy unless things are right, it means two things: You are a good person, and you will never be happy.

You have spent a lot of time chasing perfection, and maybe the time has come for you to understand that you have to build your own perfection. The world isn't made to please us and nothing has been made with us in mind (unless you are stiking rich and someone is trying to make a profit from your confort).

We have to adjust our little corner to our needs and perhaps more.

Stick to what your heart tells you. I know a little bit of what you are made of. From that, I can tell that you have chosen your path even before placing the question in this post.

Word of advice: never jump head first without a safety line. That way you can enjoy the ride, and if you find that there is a crash on the way, you have a way to go back and still maintain your integrity.

Time to bundge jump?

Lord of Erewhon said...

What's up duck?

Andas tão caladita... :/ ... estás feliz ou infeliz?

Dark kiss.
P. S. Depende muito de quem cozinha os anéis de cebola... :) ... mas a vida é como uma cebola: tiras uma casca e está outra por baixo...

Sunshine said...

Luis Sardinha - Screw the insurances, life is too short to live with a safety net. Should things go wrong, i´ll make a new plan A ;)

DRC - I suppose everything has it´s place depending on what you decide to do with it - once again it´s all about perspective.
PS. You are everything you want to be - even if nobody else sees it ;)

Clairvoyant - Life has taught me that there is a great distance between Theory and Practise. Any sane idiot can tell you the difference between right and wrong - but even the saints are sinners. Because human beings are born with emotions and the power of choice, because we all doubt what is best for us. Not always what you think makes you happy, makes you truly happy. The good news is that even in doubt, we can choose to trust in our decisions and be happy within them.

Lord of Erewhon - Também tenho tido saudades tuas, e saudades minhas... nem imaginas a falta que tenho sentido de escrever neste cantinho. Mas sim... estou feliz, estou a viver os momentos dignos de se escrever e por isso passa tanto tempo para arranjar momentos para escrever ;) (Isso tirando as vezes que tenho que passar a roupa - mas pronto o que tem que ser tem muita força! =P)

O que seria uma cozinha sem cebola?!

Clairvoyant said...

Sorry for having an opinion. The sane idiot will step down now

Sunshine said...

Clairvoyant - I wasn´t referring to you! I was speaking in general and include myself when I say that it´s easy to talk because theory is black and white but it´s difficult to deal because life comes in all shades and colours!