Saturday, August 23, 2008

Recipe for a Bitch

Photosource: Unknown
I recently recieved a brilliant sms:
"You haven´t learned how to swear until you´ve started driving"
I immediately recalled one of my early driving lessons where I was already telling some guy off for not using his flicker.
My instructor calmly looked at me and said, "you´re gonna be one of those..."
Roadrage baby!
And I don´t even have my licence yet (In progress... will violently shake the first moron who asks me how that´s going)That subject is a whole other theme... the kind i´ll write about sometime later this year (hopefully).

My second thought upon reading this sms was:
If you want to bring out the bitch in a woman there´s a better solution than putting her behind the wheel: put her on a diet!
Have you ever crossed a woman on chocolate withdrawel?
She´ll politely refuse a piece of chocolate that you offered with a smile and then crucify the next poor soul that tries to talk to her.
Once she´s done resorting to violence, she´ll submit to that pastry that somehow got in her desk drawer and after a brief amout of satisfaction... she´ll cry her heart out of guilt.
Determination - Violence - Depression.
A diet is the making of a psychopath!

For guys losing a couple of kilos is easy: they simply cut down on the junkfood.
Any woman will describe her battle with the scale as a continious war that garantees casualties.
It involves depravation, temptation and defeat... psychologically exhausting for she who diets... and they who put up with her.

Soon I´ll be finished with a weight loss program that so far has been working for me at a huge expensive and a hell of a lot of effort and self-control.
During the treatment my biggest aid is a magical pill that heeds the hunger at bay...
It´s so much easier to avoid temptation when you´re not hungry!
Howerver, when the treatment ends I´ll have the challenge of maintaining my weight on my own...
So to those who see me on road in October: Either follow the traffic code of conduct or stay the hell out of my way!


Luis Sardinha said...

How is your license? Is the theoretical exam done this year? I hope not, my insurance is only for other people...

About the diet, is absolutely true... I lost count the times I told her "I told you to eat the chocolat" :)

However I'm amazed about the strength she has to pass this "challenge" e the results of it.

Sunshine said...

It´s a good time to renew that life insurance... just in case I get violent and add manslaughter to my sins... =P

As for the challenge: I wouldn´t be able to it without you (and the chocolate) =)

I´m still amazed that you put up with me even through all my mood swings - and for that I truly love you.

Anonymous said...

no matter how U'r feeling, U can be sure some people will ALWAYS like to be with U!
next time we'll see each other, I'll take a chocolate ;), and for sure, I'll not bring my car to lisbon... ;) lol Wanderer

Sunshine said...

LOL... bring the chocolate and you have yourself a date!