Tuesday, October 14, 2003

The Right to Judge

From early on in life, we´re taught the difference from right and wrong. Be it from our parents, teachers, superiors or even from the holy book, we all learn what is and isn´t acceptable. Society also sets up its own set of rules and ettiquete and manners also become an issue of right and wrong. With all of this programmed into our minds, we easily judge and criticise when someone else falls out of line with these rules. It so easy to point a finger at those who aren´t walking on the right road as we are, but what happens when we find ourselves walking their steps? We always argue that we would never walk down the path that would take us to the situations which lead the judged ones into sinning but isn´t it true that often taking a wrong turn gets us onto wrong roads?

A flashback takes me back to the image of my father looking at me from beyond the rim of his whiskey glass saying "Never say that from that glass of water you shall not drink, one day you might be forced to swallow". He had a knowing smile and his eyes shared a secret only learnt with time.

Never Say Never.

"I will not have sex until marriage! Never ever will that happen"... years later that somehow all seems to chance with the magic of a kiss that went too far or a touch that was too good to resist. Resistance that crumbles isn´t a case to cry victim, it is a process of metamorphasis... it is when our brain suddenly breaks through a barrier and allows us to think differently and see things a different way. This is perhaps one of the most classic examples of a wrong that suddenly becomes right at the heat of the moment. In other words, as the surroundings change, so do then the rules.

To kill is wrong... unless it implies that someone you love was threatened.
To lie is wrong... then there are the white lies that help keep the peace.
To drink is wrong... yet a simple glass can help you unwind and bring rythm to your feet.

Society creates the rules and then spends all it´s time breaking the rules without anyone looking. We are all guilty of criticising, judging and pointing fingers and yet we all break the rules. At some point, we all used the word never and sooner or later ou never suddenly came and we changed our minds. Time is our greatest teacher and it teaches us do adapt to our surrounding. No matter which path we walk, somewhere along the road, we will take wrong turns and find ourselves having to break a rule to survive. If all our sins were to be written in a big black book, God would have to have an infinite library to keep our records.

More spiritual than religious I am more ruled by my conscious than I am by my religion yet I know of two girls that once ran a really tight ship of morals drawing limits close to those of nuns. Any guy that wanted to have one of these two girls as a girlfriend had to come with a double dose of patience for neither of these girls gave in quick and set limits that left any hot blooded man boiling with frustration. For those men too stupid to see beyond the cover, these two girls were labelled as upcoming nuns and there shoved to the side for girls who wear shorter skirts. But I know of a guy that was lucky enough to be at the right time and the right place to get a taste of these two girls souls... at the same time! No one would believe that on the same day they had gone to church in the morning and ended up making out with the same guy at the end of the night. Best friends who both believe very strongly in the difference between right and wrong, ended up watching the sunrise in the arms of the same guy. Considering that none of the three were emotionally tied, some would argue that they had done nothing wrong... some might support their actions... however what makes it wrong is that they went against their own morals (at least the girls did).

For those of you who wonder where this story ends, it won´t surprise you to know that these girls suddenly think a little differently about one night stands. Guilt isn´t one of the leading emotions although they are conscious of what they did is wrong. What might surprise you is that it hasn´t changed who they are. They don´t plan on going out and finding the next guy to make out for one night... but next time they walk past a couple making out savagely on a bench by the pier they won´t huff and point fingers, instead they will smile secretely with some kind of inner understanding. To satisfy curiosity, I must confess that although the girls broke the rules they still set limits. I will add that the guy walked away with one of the best experiences of his life, his own words were "There was no sex but G#$damn there was pleasure!" he walked away satisfied with being touched like he had never before been touched and left wondering if the people who knew these two girls knew what amazingly hot girls they are.

On coming back to consciousness these two friends came to the conclusion that what they had done was something they´d certainly swear the day before that they´d never do (much less with each other!) but from what I know they both learnt never to preech to anyone about their morals as they so did in the past. Never say never when you haven´t walked the path. Don´t say that you know what it´s like when you yourself haven´t walked down that path. Rather say that you imagine and give support rather than advice. Never point a finger when you have three pointing back at you. Life and time will make you change your point of view many times. You will make mistakes, you will betray your morals at one time or another... the only comfort I can offer is that I believe that on judgement day, your intentions will weigh more than your actions.

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