Almost...

I almost felt sorry for him...
As I heard how he yearned for the friendship we once had.
I almost felt sorry for him…
As I imagined the saddened face and sagging shoulders as he reminisced on memories past.

The party music has stopped playing for a while and the silence of his thoughts are deafening on his conscience.

I almost felt sorry for him…
As I pictured the lost souls he chose to surround himself with; unable to offer a steady shoulder.
I almost felt sorry for him…
Imagining his blank expression as he realised that everything he said was only partially heard and barely understood.

I almost fest sorry for him…
As he repeated to himself all the reasons that absolved him from blame.
I almost fest sorry for him…
As he searched for the love that he ran from and shut out of his life – it belongs in the world of those who believe in fairytales.

I was tempted to forgive…
I was tempted to forget…
To reach out and pull him from the darkness he hides himself in…

But I didn’t…

Looking in the mirror I find the spark that once was washed away by tears…
In the face looking back at me, I find life and colour and radiance that tell me that I’m happy and that faith has once again been restored to me!

Freedom…
From self doubt, from guilt and humiliation
From staring at the phone, hoping to be remembered
To the countless sleepless nights spent with questions almost answered…
Gone are my days of feeling sorry for myself!

I almost felt sorry for him…
I was tempted to reach out…
But only he can rescue himself from himself
And my responsibility now lies in fixing the damage caused by my failed attempts.

I once believed in the magic between us
I once believed it would save us –
It almost did…
But everyone knows that “almost” is just a nice way of saying that it never happened.

Players and Pawns

Con Artists – People specialised in manipulating one’s thoughts and actions with ulterior intentions other than those displayed, often of the ambitious of malicious nature.

In a nutshell, these are bullshitters that sweet-talk you because there’s something you can provide that they want. And while it can be argued that everyone wants something, these clever buggers have it down to an art to the point where you find yourself wanting to give it to them! – In extreme cases on a silver platter with a thank-you card!
These slick manipulators evolve like a virus- Just when you think you’ve seen it all and found the antivirus; another one comes out and attacks at a different angle.

How to spot a con artist? It would be great if they could wear a sign around their necks saying “use and abuse – you’ll thank me afterwards”. Perhaps a better sign would be “What can you for me?” or “You owe me a living” and even “I’ll tell it the way you want to hear it” can fit the description of this character.
Unfortunately, these experts are disguised as the ideal person and often described as gifts from God.

But before you decide to put everyone you know through light detector tests (which are pretty useless considering that this professionals specialise at lying with no conscience and therefore apt to pass any polygraph test without blinking) – I do suggest some of the visible warning signs that may or may not indicate that you’re about to hand over the gold to the thief…

- PERFECT IDEAL: If it looks and sounds too good to be true – it probably is!

- UNSELFISH LISTENER: When it seems like he’s overly interested in getting to know what you think it’s because he’s taking notes to feed you what you want to hear.

- TWIN SOULS: It’s so amazing that two people have the exact same interests! There’s nothing the one does that the other doesn’t like?! Soulmates?!! Even Oprah wouldn’t be fooled there!

- MR FIX IT WITH SOLUTIONS: He has the answer for everything and he’s offering to help before you even ask – ever bother to ask how he expects to be paid back and with what interest?

- VICTIM IN NEED: You’ve never met someone who’s had such bad luck in their lives and you’re the most understanding person they’ve ever met with the exact advice and solutions that they need – Don’t these people have friends or families? Perhaps you should suggest them a therapist before you become their reason for living.

Endless promises, constant phone calls, thoughtful gestures – they’re of them with the intention to create your dependency into giving them what they want in order to keep them around to satisfy the need that they’ve created and only they can fulfil. These artists have the sole intention of getting what they want by using the most fragile human weakness – emotions. They’ll play them with patience and consciousness that only an artist has.

But before you go tune up your radars and become superstitious of every Tom, Dick and Harry that smiles your way. Remember that the lesson lies in the fact that things and people are not always what they seem, and that if you want to know someone, you have to risk letting them get to know you too. Every person deserves an opportunity and time is a bullshitter´s worst enemy…
How many players have you been played by in your life? Are you currently a piece in someone’s game? Does the player know that you can see him for what he is? Have you unravelled his goals? What are the rules and the stakes? To play or not to play… That question is a whole other column on its own!

More Than Words

There are times in life when you don’t intend on taking things very far…
When you decide that all you want is an embrace, perhaps a caress and then you find that you need so much more…

I can’t tell you where my mind was exactly as I massaged his back.
It was somewhere between the rough waves pounding on the beach in front of us and lost within the stars that shined brightly above us.
From somewhere beneath my hands, a deep sigh of satisfaction emerged from where muscles relaxed and a warm body leaned into me.
I instinctively smiled at the bright eyes that looked up at me from the head that rested on my shoulder and I mentally weighed the limits of how far I wanted things to go.
Before I could come to a decision I was told by the observer that I think too much and had my lips brought down to a silencing kiss had I said my thoughts out loud.

I let go of reason as slowly and deliciously he moved his lips against mine.
I lightly touched his face to get a better taste of him when I felt him take possession in the strength of the hand that pulled my neck closer.
When time loses track of bittersweet tortures that can be applied to the neck, you know that you better keep focus if you want to maintain control…
The kiss, caress, nibble and even light warm breath holds the power to place you on a roller coaster ride headed for the edge – straight into the danger zone with all the alarms going off.
Every nerve and sensory organ in your body tells you that you’re alive and you find yourself being pulled into a body as heated up as your own.
Leaning into a deeper kiss I knew that I either took control or allowed myself to be taken by control…

I like it on top…
And once I’m there – I show no mercy.

I find that the slightest of movements can cause the risk of eruption so one needs to keep them just at the right pace…
Pulling the shirt from his pants slowly causes the anticipation of soft hands and curious fingers that mean to explore ever inch of the desired areas… delicately… as if they mean to sculpt it in future.
Lips will linger where fingers once trailed and hands take their time exploring the conquered geographical territory.

You realise that things are intense when all skin has become sensitive to the touch, having doubled its temperature in what starts to feel like liquid heat.
When lips search desperately to be kissed, when your body moves into the rhythm of a horizontal dance and your breathing can be heard, the battle of senses is close to becoming the war within steamed windows.
Each risk and defend, neither wish to surrender first and the built up tension seems to last and last just below the boiling point… Wars with no losers… both are fighters and lovers… both determined to pleasure… to delay… neither want to give in first…
Pin her hands over her head…
Grab him by his belt; sway your hips to move with his…
Lightly kiss her sides, nibble on her stomach…
Whisper in his ear; tell him how you like to be touched…
Pull her… Pin Him… Touch… Move… Rub… Tangle… Here… There… Everywhere!…
It’s like dancing in every other position.

Surrender…
Some give it up fast,
Others seek to the delay the pleasure…
Nowadays few are those that require those three little words…
Perhaps they’re meant to tease;
To make the moment special by delaying it with practised patience…
Is complete surrender possible without them?
Or is an orgasm just an orgasm?

As breath and heartbeat return to normal, I start into his eyes as he holds me possessively to him.
He smiles at me whilst trying to read my thoughts
“What?” when he finds no answers.
Smiling at him and at myself, I wonder if the man who I’m looking at is in fact the man I see…
A delay in response provokes punishment by tickles that result in the air being filled with giggles and laughter.
A woman’s heart is a treasure chest of secrets that are lost when she gives a man the key. I believe that this is the mystery men seek and in fact – it’s better they not know. Some things, only a woman can understand.

Surrender?

When is it the right time to surrender ourselves to our partners?
Is there a right time at all?...

Recently I watched as a friend clung desperately to the notion that she did not want to give her heart away. Regardless of the countless reasons such as timing or fear of getting hurt that exist to motivate such a decision; I calmly brought to light to reason that none of us have much choice in who we fall in love with and our only true power of decision lies in:
"What am I going to do about it?"

Everybody wants it, we all do it, it is around us wherever we go and although we feel it, we cannot touch or own it: Love.

It rules the world, it rules our emotions and anyone who´s ever been in love will tell you that it is about as predictalbe and controllable as the weather. One day you´re wondering how a person suddenly appeared in your life and the next day you can´t imagine your life without them. One in love, you´re only left with two choices:
Either ignore it or pursue it.
Despite the heartache at risk, my advice to those who seek it is to always take the chance. We regret more the things that we don´t do and say than those that we risk and explore.

But although the decisions regarding love may seem simple, our heart lacks the vision that our brains possess resulting in the kind of turmoil you wouldn´t wish on your worst enemy. Many can tell you of the drama and scars involved in falling in love with the wrong person.
Maintaining the conviction to my beliefs, I noneless urge that love is the risk worth taking due to the immeasurable amount of joy it entails. Always look for the diamond in the rough.
However, if after digging in the dirt you come to the conclusion that there couldn´t possible exist anything precious hidden in the filth, take the same courage to override your heart´s obsession.
We elude ourselves because the soul is proud and the heart is stubborn, but at some point our intelligence must intervene to ensure our survival...

What if you can´t tell if the wolf is real or if there´s a man hiding beneath the costume? Is what you see no more than sheep´s clothing or has someone bared you their soul?
What if you reach a point where nothing but fear stands between you and the surrending of your heart (body, soul... and everything else surrender may entail).
When you run out of reasons to keep from surrendering but you´re still scared which factors do you depend on to make your final decision?

Those who know they´re in love know it regardless whether they deny it - unless they´ve denied it to a point that they doubt it.
How to be sure if you´re truly in love?
And is love the sole requirement for surrender?
If I give up some to I have to give it all?
How much is too much?
Should we wait until we´re ready?
And how do you recognise the moment when you are?

These are the type of questions that ruin beautiful stories before they´ve even begun. As my English teacher once said: the best writing is not that which is carefully planned but that which sincerely flows into the unravelling of a story...

My dear friend: I cannot give you the answers to your questions; I can barely answer to my own doubts that often flood my head. The right words, right time and the moment to surrender surely must be the moment in which you do? The present moment in which you live and decide these things rather than analysing and predicting... when did things ever go as planned?
My advice is the only solution I myself rely on in times of doubt: stop thinking and simply be. Breathe and live the present, feel the moment and let time fill in all the blanks, quieten your doubts and answer all of your questions.