Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Almost...


I almost felt sorry for him...
As I heard how he yearned for the friendship we once had.
I almost felt sorry for him…
As I imagined the saddened face and sagging shoulders as he reminisced on memories past.

The party music has stopped playing for a while and the silence of his thoughts are deafening on his conscience.

I almost felt sorry for him…
As I pictured the lost souls he chose to surround himself with; unable to offer a steady shoulder.
I almost felt sorry for him…
Imagining his blank expression as he realised that everything he said was only partially heard and barely understood.

I almost fest sorry for him…
As he repeated to himself all the reasons that absolved him from blame.
I almost fest sorry for him…
As he searched for the love that he ran from and shut out of his life – it belongs in the world of those who believe in fairytales.

I was tempted to forgive…
I was tempted to forget…
To reach out and pull him from the darkness he hides himself in…

But I didn’t…

Looking in the mirror I find the spark that once was washed away by tears…
In the face looking back at me, I find life and colour and radiance that tell me that I’m happy and that faith has once again been restored to me!

Freedom…
From self doubt, from guilt and humiliation
From staring at the phone, hoping to be remembered
To the countless sleepless nights spent with questions almost answered…
Gone are my days of feeling sorry for myself!

I almost felt sorry for him…
I was tempted to reach out…
But only he can rescue himself from himself
And my responsibility now lies in fixing the damage caused by my failed attempts.

I once believed in the magic between us
I once believed it would save us –
It almost did…
But everyone knows that “almost” is just a nice way of saying that it never happened.

7 comments:

IceVsFire said...

pena...para mim é dos sentimentos mais miseraveis e egoistas k nos temos...é afirmar k o objecto da nossa pena de facto é algo inutil como um verme k nunca podera evoluir ..k nunca podera sair do buraco em k esta , k nos como seres superiores temos k sentir algo por algo tão inferior ..tento nunca ter pena de ninguem ...siplesmnete ou apoio ou não ,posso simpatizar com a causa dessa pessoa ou nao...mas pena não .....
oK fim da minha divagação sobre a pena...é bom k estas a superar bem e k as feridas estao a sarar depressa ..és forte e ixo nao deve demorar muito tempo a passar a nao ser k cais em tentação....mas ixo é contigo ...não t dou conselhos sobre o k deves ou nao fazer pk es tu k estas a sentir es tu k esta s a passar por ixo não eu...apenas t digo isto...a vida continua e no fim tudo ira correr bem!!!

mixtu said...

...almost. (reticências antes e ponto final no fim)
besitos, kiss de quem gosta muito da tua escrita, logo maneira de ser,

Quicha said...

Short, but sweet, in other words - Excellant! If it's who I think it is (and even if it isn't), I'm glad that you didn't take yourself down that path again. Keep the smile on your face and the twinkle in your eyes!

Storm said...

Remember that talk we had years ago after school when we sat on the grass and I told you about how I´d never forgive that person for what had happened?
You gave me that sunny smile of yours and told me with all your conviction that eventually I would, that grudges weren´t healthy.
I didn´t want to admit it then but I knew that I´d eventually forgive - and I did.
In case you hadn´t noticed - you have too.

What then carried on the conversation was the forgetting bit and we spoke about how thing are never truly the same after the trust is broken. You argued with me that trust can be built and I couldn´t get through to you what it is that is lost that can´t be recovered. we decided that we´d see each other´s point when we got to it.

I saw your point and now I believe you´ve seen mine.

Miss you Sunshine
Come visit soon

Anonymous said...

Is it him that hurts or is it you?

I do in fact feel sorry for him - he obviously does not realize what he lost

mixtu said...

saudades...

Laura said...

Fico feliz de teres tido consciencia e discernimento suficiente para não te deixares ir pela complacencia...Cada um com os seus desafios...
jinhos de luz