Monday, March 29, 2004

Look, he’s talking… (Part one)

Men are just as big gossipers as women…

This weekend I was challenged to prove the above theory. Gossip has been known without the years to be female habit and that men are usually disinterested in such a practice… Hogwash!!!

Men like to know what’s going on just as much as women do and believe it or not, they make it their business to know the latest. Isn’t it strange how your boyfriend already knew about the big break up between Tom and Jane? Unlike you, he probably already knows exactly what was said between the two. Perhaps you just haven’t sat down and actually listened to your work colleague replay the weekend’s gossip… oddly enough, he always seems to know what is happening in the office… and now that we mention office talk… how is it that the boss always seems to know exactly what’s going on with each of his employees.

Gossip is conversing about subjects that don’t concern you. And whilst women are accused of gossiping, it’s funny that men can only be accused of talking or sharing ideas. They will never admit to gossiping… Yet they know what’s happening in everybody’s lives.

Called upon the challenge to prove my theory about men gossiping just as much as women. I took it upon myself to investigate this subject and in less that twenty-four hours I heard more male “chatter” than I needed to know. I changed the names to protect the innocent (and the guilty…)

Conversation between two work colleagues:
Gavin: Her car was parked outside the parking lot with steamy windows
Frank: I was told that she was having fun with Jeremy again
Gavin: Isn’t that the guy that was engaged to Angela?
Frank: That was before she caught him in his brother’s apartment with the vampire.
Gavin: That vampire is the town bicycle; everyone’s had a ride.

Conversation of the boy behind the counter of a bookstand:
Customer (referring to someone in the social page of the newspaper): Isn’t this Rita?
Counter boy: Yes it is, she’s been seen a lot in the company of Dr. Gerald lately
Customer: Is that so? But isn’t he married?
Counter boy: His wife is in charge of many of those theatrical events, she knows the rumours but pretends she doesn’t hear them. Two weeks ago the two women had a catfight near the post office, her chauffeur had to break them up.
Customer: Yes I heard about that, wasn’t Dr Linda there as well?
Counter boy: Apparently so, she’s a good friend of Rita’s, she usually comes in here every month to buy the Cosmopolitan.

Tom: She’s from South Africa, heard she arrived here by herself. Left just as she finished high school and came looking for a better opportunity here.
Harry: Things in South Africa are pretty bad and education keeps getting more and more expensive! Doesn’t she stay with family?
Tom: I’m not sure, but I know she’s getting her own apartment soon, somewhere in Madalenas. Heard she’ll be living on her own as well.
Harry: That’s impressive for someone that young and that has only been working in TMN for two years, surprised she doesn’t have many guys knocking at her door.
Tom: She seems shy and extremely dedicated in her work, they say she doesn’t care much for the locals though.

The last conversation was between two clients of mine who whilst waiting for me to finish with the client I was with, decided to “comment” a little about my life. What perhaps shocked me the most (or not) is the fact that they were comfortably commenting about me even though I was footsteps away. Until today I’d only spoken to one of them over the phone once and this was my first meeting. How did they know so much about me? I can guess, but my suspicions don’t really matter here except for the fact that any of my given suspects are male.

Why do men get off the hook better than us women? Maybe because they’re better at it than us women! My theory is that either than have a more intelligent strategy of doing it or they’re just good at being cowards. (My guess being the latter). Men hate being left in the dark and if they can’t pry the information out their girlfriends they hang around in groups, switch on their antennae’s and act disinterested whilst their radars pick up all the juicy pieces of gossip. When they want to steer the conversation to the intended piece of gossip they might start the conversation with “Hey, what’s the story with Little Red Riding Hood?”… if this doesn’t work they’ll try “I thought I heard something about the Big Bad wolf chasing her?” and if the going gets rough they might resort to “A good source of mine told me that the cookies she was baking was for Grandma…”

Clever aren’t they?… or perhaps just a big bunch of cowards! Everyone knows that men hate owning up to things. They’ll do anything to avoid confrontations so whilst a woman will say “Shelly told me that…” a man will say “I heard that…”. A man will never rat on his buddies. When confronted with the truth a man will always shrug his shoulders and say “It’s just a rumour I heard…” no one ever knows who said it or how it got a start… but you can bet that every man around the block will know something about it!

Men are just into gossip as women are; they just cover each other’s asses better.

I could’ve used many examples to prove my theory but I’ve decided to keep this in general to give men the chance to defy my reasoning. So go ahead boys: I dare you to disagree with me:

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