Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Pinned By The Needle

My Acupuncture treatment continues... and for a second time I found myself in Dr. Miracle’s room of healing. Knowing what to expect, I took an extra pair of stockings and a warm shirt hoping to feel just a little more comfortable this time around. I had hoped that on this visit, my aura would be the picture of health and that progress would be highly noted. However, I knew from my heavy heart and disturbing thoughts that I was nowhere near the shape of wellbeing that I wished to be. Guilt flooded my thoughts as I imagined him telling me that progression was mostly up to me and that healthy thoughts depended on my strength of mind. I considered once again running from failure.

It’s strange how some people have the ability to infect you with confidence and reassurance the minute that they walk into your presence. My memory reminded me of a promise; of a South African doctor who assured me that he could fix what I thought was irreparable as long as I didn’t give up on him or myself. Closing my eyes, I opened my heart and my soul to the forces of energy that worked under my blind eyes. I envisioned myself as the carrier of light, a being filled with so much light that it radiated far and beyond what the eye could see. I smiled when I realized that this being is a star, the sun and the person the lives within me. Letting go of fears and doubts I let the light shine within me and found the confidence that my worries often overshadow.

Did I leave my body? I couldn’t have, for I felt my presence there all the time. I felt my healer’s hands and the touch left on my skin. Yet I felt like I was on a completely different plain than I had been on the first time around. Twisted, touched and healed… I felt myself being molded by something bigger than I am… and felt the incredible urge to weep when it was all over. The second time is supposed to be harder than the first.

“Why am I shaking?”

Dr. Miracle looked at me the way I fear to be seen by others: as fragile. Told that it was best not to know what it was that had been removed from my soul, I chose to accept the fact that perhaps I was just a little afraid and that something’s are best not known… at least not for now. It occurred to me that most of my hurts and ego are caused by my own hand and I apologized to my higher being for harming it the way I have through time and lifetimes. I once again wished for the opportunity to have past life regressions believing that it would be an incredible opportunity to better understand myself.

Doc decided that a specifically placed injection would help me calm down and I couldn’t help laughing at myself as I felt more human and female than I’d ever felt before. I have a hard time trusting my soul to the hands of another human being, but it comforts me so when I’m reminded that the good doctor is merely the carrier and messenger of the higher power and that God sent him to heal my soul. So often, have I too been the vessel of a higher message. And yet, besides that knowledge, I trust not just the doctor but the man before me. Speaking to him is like speaking to someone doesn’t need many words to understand.

After you get used to the people around you speaking a different language, your own language sounds foreign to your ears. What joy it is when someone speaks to you from the same level of knowledge. It’s that feeling of exhilaration when you meet someone from your home town in a foreign land, someone who knows your foundations and speaks to you in your language. This is how I feel at each visit to Dr. Pins and Needles. He makes me want to stop time and stay forever and I wonder about the things that he sees and does not tell me. My nature wills me to reach out and reciprocate some of the healing and comfort that he’s given me although my conscience prevents me from doing so. When I’m there, I feel like there is no other place on earth that I’d rather be. Things become so clear and my spirit feels safe. When I look into his eyes, I feel that I’m looking into a whole different world, which is both familiar and strange to me. How good would it be to reach out and touch his hand, enter his mind and read the thoughts I cannot begin to fathom. This must be how the student feels before his master and how a patient feels before his doctor. After the healing I could not have attained on my own, I promised myself to treat my soul with better care so that I too can help others reach a higher level of health.

“Why did it take you so long to come see me?”. Gee, I dunno either doc! We both know you’re a busy man yet it’s perhaps because I thought you might send me to a shrink if I ran into your office screaming: “prick me with something quick before I go insane!” How do you respond to someone who knows about the pain you’ve been going through?

The Surgeon of souls told me that he’d removed the thoughts that were haunting me and the weight upon my shoulders. At first I thought it was impossible, he couldn’t possibly know the pressure and stress I was under and that it was impossible to remove these elements from my being at the present time. However after placing his hands on my head as if literally pulling them out my mind, I was amazed at how thoughts that I’d struggled against for so long, somehow just let go of my conscious. When leaving his office I began to fear their return wondering if I’d have to come back to him when they once again announced their takeover. Yet… there has been no sign of them since and the pressure once felt has been replaced with an indescribable sense of relief. I went to bed a girl and woke up a woman, ready to face the world with regenerated energy.

Is this healing of soul all really in my mind? And if so… isn’t that what I need to heal in order to be in perfect health? Whatever the methods you choose to heal your body and soul, make sure they work for you. No one can argue that your body is directly connected to your mind and that one cannot work without the other. If your mind is ill, your body will react. Find what it is that keeps the two together, be it a sport, a hobby or even yoga. Hold onto whatever keeps you healthy in both mind and spirit. I once again recommend acupuncture, even to those who are afraid of needles. In the least of cases
it will make you aware of your body and help you to once again make the connection with your soul.

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