Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Confess or Hide?

Everyone knows that feeling… that churning sensation in your stomach when what you feel for another person causes a strong magnetic pull of your lips to theirs and you realize that you've been caught hook line and sinker!
Now what?
When you're sure of your symptoms and you're in too deep to play cat and mouse?

I sat and listened to a friend confess how she’d found the courage to pull the man of her dreams aside and tell him how she felt about him. Having a girlfriend, the results of such a proclamation were initially doomed for the worst and yet… I couldn't help but smiling as she maturely concluded that despite a few changes in tactic, she would've still proclaimed her sentiments. Heartbreak is nothing compared to living in doubt, at least heartbreak is something you get over. Doubt eats away at you…

This is the advice I'd give my best friend…

And yet… Lately I've questioned if revelation is the best option.
What is the use in telling someone that they touch you ways that they shouldn't because you're not touching them in the same way?
If the object of your affections doesn't feel the way you do, why bother?
Sure, it might help get over them quickly…
But won't you get over them eventually in any case?

So I sound like a coward…
Maybe I am, or maybe I've just hurt enough to want to avoid putting my soul through unnecessary turmoil. Life is hard enough it without your emotions giving you more motives to cry. The way I see it, love involves two souls and so if it's meant to be, something will happen… Why put my heart at risk prematurely? There’s plenty of time for things to get complicated…
And yet… tell that to your heart whose sole desire will is to march up to the man that occupies your thoughts, grab him bye both arms, look him in the eyes and speak directly to his soul saying:
“Tell me that you're feeling this too!”

Some will say that biding ones time is hiding from the inevitable; others will think it a wise tactic which could bring the best results if you give time the chance to bring you closer before revealing your heart's intentions. This is probably the most intelligent of the two options… but I've never been one for tactic and I've opted for my fair share of confessions… none of which I regret, but many of which I wonder of the results had I held on for a better timing.

I value younger people's perspective on such subjects, they seem to have the less screwed up opinion due to a lesser accumulation of bad experiences.
The opinion that I got is that fate would've been the same regardless of the timing. I'm not sure if I agree, but somehow I can't disagree either which brings me back to the blunt truth – it usually gets to the results quicker and in doing so you don't delay the suffering that only snowballs with time.
Not everyone is lucky to overcome the feeling with time… sometimes it's necessary to hear the rejection in audible words in order to break the hope your heart refuses to let go of.

I grow tired of such obstacles… I'm hoping the next time I fall in love, it'll be something less complicated:
I like you, you like me… let's see where things go from here.
Life should be as simple as the feeling… it kills me sometimes that it isn't.
Is this maturity or am I getting old and yellow?

My youthful friend who still stands at the beginning of all beginnings… that yet has many times to invest his heart, many joys and tears to cry and more experiences to gain left me with one last thought: if you keep trying, someday you’ll get it right.

Regardless of the tragic results of my friend’s confession, I'm in awe of her courage. To have opened her heart in order to face what she was feelings. It was something easier done a couple of years ago, and something I'm not sure I'm capable of these days. To tell someone that when they speak, they speak directly to your heart… to give them that kind of access and power over your soul… it takes courage and a strong stomach!
Regardless of how differently things could’ve been done and said – I'm proud of her for the initiative and honestly people seldom have these days.

Love is a universal feeling although felt at different intensities and handled differently by each individual.
Is there a right way to handle your heart – or is there just the best that each of us can do? The wise and the experienced dispense their advice and how we should handle our emotions and yet how certain is their advice?
Advice is the recycling of old mistakes which are painted over to look like new. No one wants to be the fabrication of someone else’s moulding so why not listen to your heart and deal with whatever consequences come with the decisions you make?
If you are going to make a mistake… at least make it an original.
Are you really making the same mistake when you risk opening up to a person? Or with each wrong person you proclaim your love to, are you eliminating the wrongs before finding the right and deserving?
It's so easy to feel disappointed in ourselves and to punish ourselves when we allow ourselves to feel not good enough.
When was honesty ever wrong?

As one of my colleagues said to me today… sometimes taking a step back is the equivalency of taking two steps forward.
Maybe it's best to step forward, perhaps it's time to pause or even the point to surrender… no one can give you the answer; your head only knows what you've taught it and so only your heart can guide you in the right direction.
However way you handle your life, decisions and heart, remember that the only true mistake you can make is to give up.

Is this good advice? I don't know - I'm only sharing what I've learnt so far and I don't always recommend people to try walking in my footsteps. Walk your own.
The only solid advice I can truly give is:
Wear sunscreen.

5 comments:

IceVsFire said...

Tu e os teus textos..duvidas e opçoes.....sabes o k axo acerca do teu texto....as minhas opcoes e riscos k tomo ... lol e ate os meus ataks de impaciencia..... xas k me arrepndo dos erros k cometi neste campo??...lol cm uma amiga disse me um dia....nunca te arrependa de algo k t faça sorrir...e agora ainda acrescento uma parte minha....nunca te arrependa de algo k t faça sorrir...mesmo k t faça chorar depois....

Klatuu o embuçado said...

Feia! :)=
Já estás a viver em Lisboa e nada me disseste!

Storm said...

I remember a girl that gave a guy a CD with a sappy song about how she liked him but if he wasn´t interested then it was okay...
If I remember correctly, things didnt turn out too sour between them.
PS. If there are any regrets, I believe that they belong to him and not her :)

Little A said...

All of the things you say might be right. They might not be right for me but they might be the right ones for you. And that's the point. That's the only correct way to handle your heart! To listen to it and let it guide you! To let yourself make decisions and do whatever you want even if that some times ends up to a mistake.

However there is a case I disagree with. You write at a point "But won't you get over them eventually in any case?". I don't think that answer is so simple. You can't hurry and just say yes! What if the answer is no? I guess that not giving yourself the chance to see, to find the answer to that very question could be the biggest mistake!

Quicha said...

I wouldn't want someone coming up to me and telling me he has feelings for me... If it would happen I'd feel some kind of pleasure in it, because we all love to be loved, but mostly it would make me feel bad, because I wouldn't feel the same for that person and having this information would make me a bit hesitant when that person is around. I'd prefer now knowing...