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Every now and then, you stop and reflect about life – the decisions you’ve made and where they’ve gotten you.
You ponder about the course that you’re on and you ask yourself if this is where you want to be and where you want to go.
Adolescence is supposed to be the hardest time in your life due to the fact that it’s a phase of discovery and choice. You try different things and test your limits in attempt to understand who you are and who you want to be. The fact that you have a world of possibilities leaves you with many choices to be made.
As time passes, you eliminate the things you know for sure that you don’t want in your life. Many opportunities have past you by and your choices begin to narrow as the choices you’ve made eliminate other possibilities you could’ve chosen.
As a teenager you learn that you can do just about anything you set your mind to.
As an adult, you learn that you can’t do everything your heart desires.
I’ve personally never felt so stable, sure of my decisions and my desires… and yet I question them.
Why?
Is it because it is human nature to unsatisfied?
As soon as we achieve our goals we quickly set new ones.
To stop wanting, to stop dreaming – it’s a sure death sentence to the human soul.
The way I see it, you will always wonder about the opportunities that you let go of in order to grab onto the decision you made with both hands.
Adults don’t know it all – we’re not always sure of ourselves and the path we’ve taken, we’ve simply learnt that while one will always wonder about the path we didn’t chose – the challenge is to embrace de decisions we’ve made in order to make peace with those that we didn’t.
I’m happy with the way I am, the course my life has taken and the future that I’m striving for but I will keep re-evaluating all these things in the attempt to be a better person,
a better lover,
a better companion,
a better sister,
a better daughter,
a better friend,
a better colleague,
a better stranger…
I believe we are all born to live our lives towards being better people.
A couple of years ago I met a good friend online who says I caught his attention with the following job description:
“being myself”
Back then I believed that this was the hardest, constant job each human being had.
I still believe that being myself will be my constant struggle until the day I die.
A mixture of excitement and expectancy is the way I feel about where I’m headed. Often I feel cold feet and a chill of fear travelling up and down my spine when I think about the responsibility I’ll have to take, scared that I may not be strong enough for the challenge. But love and faith keep me strong and willing.
Recently I found a beautiful passage in a neighbouring blog that I accompany:
My Silent Nights
The author had borrowed the text from someone else and to me it’s unclear if this other person is the true author. Nevertheless, it was so beautifully written that I could not help but translate:
I now understand that to live is to be free...
That fighting keeps you alive...
That to be happy you simply have to want to be...
I’ve learnt that time heals...
That hurt goes away...
That deception doesn’t kill...
That it is possible to cry without shedding tears...
That real friendship is lasting...
That pain makes you stronger...
That winning builds you up...
That words possess strength...
That the eyes don’t lie...
And that everything depends on will.
3 comments:
Evidently, being yourself is the best you can do, because you are basicaly a good person. That wouldn´t be so nice if you were... let's say naughtier...
We all have doubts along the way, every man trembles once in a while, at least deep inside himself.
Why you worry so much about yourself is a mistery to me, although I often do the same. I guess it's due to our desire to keep others happy around us and fulfilling the need to be a good person, or achieving certain goalswe lay for ourselves.
You should trust your friends more, they will let you know if you stray.
Life can be whatever you see in it. It can be shitty, a royal pain or wonderful. And it's not because of what you have. It's the way you see it. Poor people can be happy even having less than others. How you feel about your life is what really matters.
Whatever resources you have, if you make good use of them, you will be just fine. Even with poor health, you can still be happy, as long as you are rich inside. Love for yourself and others around you is a big plus.
To me, if you believe in yourself, that is the best way to have self respect. That will lead to a positive attitude and eventually the conquering of your goals.
And by the way, keep cool. If you see life as a strugle for self improving, you will waste your energies. Just let it flow and go with it. Paddling upstream will get you there a lot more tired than just steering to the shore and walking back if you must. Sometimes it's better to change the way we move in our path.
Remmember, it's only a dead end if you get stuck. Turn around and it's an open path again. We can all make mistakes and bad choices. People that recognize that, turn around and head back. People that don't, get stuck and whine about their misfortune.
Don't worry so much, be happy. You're a diamond afraid to turn back into coal.
I don´t see naughty as a bad thing - there´s a diference between being naughty and bad/evil. =P
We worry about ourselves because we want to ensure that we´re doing the best we can. If we don´t keep ourselves in check then we end up going down the easy road - which isn´t necessarily the right road.
As for counting on my friends - I value my friend´s opinions, perhaps too much sometimes. What I do realize though is that what they tell you is circumstancial evidence that should help you weigh your choices and decisions but not make them. If you keep taking everyone´s advice you are no more than a mirror of their desire - to be yourself requires taking your own path, the own that may not be the right one to the world but feels right to your soul.
As for worrying - it is definetely the most unfruitful thing a human being can do - but it is human natura nonetheless, it´s the conscience mind that separates us from all other living creatures.
This subject in particular has been debated over countless hours on the phone between Madeira Island and the Mainland some years ago. This and others, as I recall.
Of course we should consider our own judgment, and of course we should think for ourselves. However, worrying is something I'm trying to let go, and instead, just be interested in solving the issues at hand. There is a big difference here. While worrying leeds you to be easily dominated by your problem, being interested keeps you safely detatched from it, so you can think with a clear mind. I'm still trying not to be overcome by many things in my life.
Second of all, there you go with that anoying habbit of correcting me and still be right on top of it. This time I made it easy for you, I wrote the first comment at indecent hours, with very little sleep.
I do miss that child like voice I heard on the phone from the middle of the Atlantic. We've both come a long way since than, but is it me, or things seem to be different yet strangly the same? I must say that I appreciate the sort of evolution you have made. Strong and coherent.
Although I have to recognize you've made a better point than me, I still maintain that you are a diamond affraid to go back to being a chunk of coal. It's possible, but highly unlikely.
"to be yourself requires taking your own path, the own that may not be the right one to the world but feels right to your soul": "I might stay in school or die in prison, either way it's my decision..." - Manowar (need I say more?)
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