Friday, May 06, 2005

Bwah!!! Nobody Likes Me!

Bwah!!! Nobody Likes Me!

This column goes out as a favour to all the people who have wanted to tell you this, have told you this, begged you to understand this but have not succeeded to do so:
GROW UP little Swedish Boy! Nobody likes babies the size of you.
It doesn’t take very long for a girl, woman or anyone who isn’t drunk enough to notice, that you’re just a little boy in seek of some attention. To help you out in your growing process, I’ve revised a few words of advice that I hope (yes hope, for experience tells me your attention span might not grasp this for longer than an hour or so after reading this) that you might take into some consideration:

1. The world does not revolve around you: That’s right honey! No person that you know (except maybe your mother) lives in function of you. We make our own decisions regarding our own lives and take our needs into consideration instead of seeking your approval. When someone fails to recognise that a decision of theirs may come at to some inconvenience to you it does not mean that they don’t like you.
2. You are not a stud: A stud is a man that women are attracted to for being the type of man who knows what a woman wants and gives it to her. You on the other hand spend way to much time in the mirror and live under the illusion that just because you want yourself, women will want you too. The more you think you’re hot, the more others think you’re not. No one likes a moron who thinks he’s all that, even if he is.
3. Discover the definition of responsibility: Nobody is going to pay your bills or buy your drinks forever so if you don’t pitch up for work, they’re going to fire your ass! The idea is to have fun but sticking to your responsibilities… unless you’re dying, you have no excuse not to miss work or ditch meetings. People dislike being let down, they’ll stop trusting you and they’ll eventually stop liking you as well.
4. Save the stories for kids: That’s right boy! No woman is stupid enough to believe bullshit. We can be fooled into believing tiny lies but when you elaborate into telling us about all that you have but obviously don’t, we see past the bullshit. Not even little girls like being lied to, we’ll turn our backs and then you’ll cry about not being attractive or liked.
5. Stop playing the victim: We eventually get sick of you complaining, take you for a sorry weakling that can’t take care of himself and start disliking you for your lack or courage.

The reason that you break down at 6am in the morning, drunk as a skunk and crying about how you feel that nobody loves you is because you’re too bloody selfish to care about anybody else. Get up, take some responsibility for yourself and start caring about someone other than the sorry baby in the mirror… you’ll be surprised how liked you’ll become then.

No comments: