Saturday, February 03, 2007

Getting a Grip

Photosource: Betsy Cameron

Beware the fury of the patient woman. – Confucius -

I don’t consider myself to be the most patient person in the world, but when it comes to work I manage to exercise a great amount of patience and calm that often surprises even me.
Pressure, stress… I can handle it well; but injustice is something that will have me climbing walls!
Usually a quick run to the 11th floor and back manages to cool me off, by the time I´m back down on the 3rd floor things are normally in neutral perspective…
But today… none of that helped.
No amount of breathing or thoughts of Zen helped;
I lost my temper!

I lost it and then I felt guilty for losing it…
Then I felt irritated that I felt guilty for rightfully losing it…
Then I once again felt guilty for losing it and for getting irritated, even more irritated for letting it affect me that much…
My sharp remarks and foul mood was felt all day and I finally got the courage to tell a certain account manageress to take a Xanax and relax (Portuguese version of Prozac)
(I’ll admit… that one felt good!)
I felt guilty for the things I said; I felt guilty for the things I didn’t say
I spent the rest of the day miserable.

Knowing you did the right thing doesn’t always console your conscience.

Often in my life I wish I reacted or done things differently but I comfort myself with the fact that in each and every one of those times, I did the best I know how.
This knowledge was doing very little to lighten my spirits and by the end of the night I felt exhausted from the instability I’d created in my mind due to contradictory thoughts.

The touch of a warm hand on my shoulder and the smile of a friendly face at the end of the night is what finally brought me peace of mind.
Without me having to say a word, the person deciphered the inner conflict projected on my face and took the initiative of sharing an opinion and encouraging the basis of my actions.
There’s incalculable power in the understanding of another person.
Even if that person hadn’t agreed with me, the fact that we both came to the conclusion that I’d done the best that I could was the relief I’d been searching for all day…
No amount of stair climbing could’ve had the same effect.

I’m blessed.
Even though I live in one of the most selfish and self-centered eras and cities I still manage to meet and befriend the most amazing people.
Special people that touch your heart in ways you never expected and give meaning to your existence.
People that with the smallest word of understanding, rescue you from yourself.
I’m deeply grateful for that smallest touch that reminded me that we’re all part of something bigger than we are.

I can’t promise perfect decisions, but I can promise the best ones that I’m capable of… and that’s enough to make me worthy of the position I earned.

Obrigada

12 comments:

nflopes said...

Sometimes,we just have to take the cap of, sit back imagine that special place and and just let it go...
Sometimes there's no rigth answer, no rigth thing to do, or correct and socially accepted.
Sometimes thing's just get out of hand, and we feel like we lost it.
But all serves to remind us that we are alive and what life is all about.
We live it but cant really control it, just live!

Marco Mota said...

Quando realmente nos salta a tampa é sinal que a coisa já nao aguentava mais, mas também é sinal que pusemos tudo para fora e que começamos de novo.
quanto a amizade, algumas vezes, somos obrigados a dizer o
o que realmente a outra pessoa precisava ouvir,
em vez do que ela queria que nós dissesse-mos,
por vezes e necessário mostrar a essa pessoa um outro lado a considerar

Storm said...

What was the final body count? lol
Now seriously, some people just ask for it and knowing you they probably crossed their limit and deserved it.

Sunshine said...

NFLopes: You know me (aside from certain exceptions :P) I don´t like losing control. In my opinion there are better ways of feeling alive than getting ticked off. Thanks for the support though ;)

Marco Mota: Tu me também me compreendes! Até porque o assunto em si tinha factores que têm se acumulado ao longo do tempo. Não é assunto que não pode ser resolvido, apenas receio por quêm apanhou por tabela sem ter culpa.

Storm: The city council is suing me for causing an emergency at the morgue. The local butcheries had to be called in to help with the space... LOL.
Unfortunetely not everyone deserved my eruption... you know me, I hate losing my cool

Klatuu o embuçado said...

Olha! Nós os dois quando éramos pequeninos! JAJAJAJAJAJA!!!

Não ligues! :)

P. S. Like your position! :)

Sunshine said...

Pois amigo mas eu continuo pequeninha... precisei disto para crescer um bocadinho!

PS. I love my position... and from now on, I´m going to love it even more ;)

Klatuu o embuçado said...

Nã... já não cresces mais! :)=

(Eu não saio contigo que é para não fazeres má figura... ao meu lado pareces uma anã! JAJAJAJA!!!)

Dark kiss.

Sunshine said...

Totó!!!
Esqueceste que eu sou gaija e dona de saltos altos?
Jinhos

Klatuu o embuçado said...

Têm que ter 30 cm pra ficares do meu tamanho! ROTFL!!!

Sunshine said...

Yikes!!!
O que vale é que gosto de gaijos altos! :P
Não te preoculpes... se eu não conseguir chegar ao teu tamanho, eu sei como fazer para chegares ao meu! :P

pandora said...

Sei o que e ter dias assim, quando parece que cheguei ao limite e que ja nao vou aguentar mais, tudo o que tentas fazer corre mal, as pessoas a tua volta nao reconhecem o teu esforco... ate que alguem, mesmo sem se aperceber, te da a mao e ajuda a levantar... por vezes, as pessoas aproximam-se instintivamente pela semelhanca que sentem ter com os outros, e no nosso caso arrisco dizer que temos uma vida que nos da luta! As coisas nao nos caem do ceu, cada dia e uma batalha que temos de vencer... Gosto muito de ti, e admito a tua forca e a tua coragem! Es uma boa amiga que mereces tudo de bom... Sempre que precisares de mim, tou lá... sabes onde estou sentada... :)

Sunshine said...

Há dias em que acordamos com cem anos... :)

Obrigada pelas tuas palavras sábias e carinhosas, pela tua compreensão e apoio mas principalmente pela tua amizade... agradeço-te do fundo do coração.

È verdade que as coisas não nos caem do ceu, existem dias que não são fáceis e passamos a maioria deles a lutar por dias melhores...
Mas também acredito na justiça divina em que o universo faz com que atraimos o que somos...
Sendo assim arrisco-me a dizer sem dúvidas que a tua vida será sempre preenchida com alegria, carinho, amigos e amor... conta com a minha amizade.
A distância da minha secretária á tua é a mesma... sempre que precisares - conta comigo!