If you choose to draw your own conclusions without communicating with the person or people concerning the situation… you run the risk of getting it all wrong.
Nothing pisses me off more than people who try to be clairvoyant, jumping to conclusions and divulging them with the same conviction as if they were hardened facts.
In most cases, people choose to behave this way either because they can’t face the truth or because the truth is not to their benefit. Friendships and all sorts of relationships have been lost due to sheer pride and arrogance of those that choose not to smooth out the fine printed details… All it takes to save them is sincere, honest communication.
Three years ago there was tension between two good colleagues of mine. Being friends to both Spit and Spot, I found myself in the uncomfortable position somewhere in the middle of a war. While cannon balls and explosive bombs were thrown both ways, I managed to keep myself safely out of the reach of fire. At the time I figured that as long as I didn’t get involved, both friendships could easily be maintained.
I was wrong.
By means which I only found out later, Spit got word of Spot’s secret strategy and managed to cause serious havoc in Spot’s game plan. Considering I was the only mutual and neutral neighbour, the immediate conclusion by Spot was betrayal from my part.
Angry beyond belief, I couldn’t believe that Spot could so much have even considered my involvement. Worse than the offensive conclusion was the fact that it hadn’t come to my understanding directly from Spot but from other sources and needless to say, disappointment and hurt is what one feels when a friend of yours can’t be bothered to confront you with their suspicions of something you may have done wrong.
And yet… I decided to confront Spot and set the truth straight. I was innocent and I wanted Spot to know the truth.
But when the time came to confront Spot, she turned her back deciding to neither hear the truth nor attempt to save a friendship, resolving to stick to the conclusions to which she had drawn.
Frustrated at the injustice of accusations I wasn’t guilty of; I sat in an empty office and cried. Two days later I attempted another confrontation with the same result and on the failure of my third attempt I came to the following conclusion:
People draw their own conclusions when the possibility of the truth either doesn’t suit them or they simply have not the courage to face it.
I was told this by a stranger who found me crying and told me that I hadn’t lost a friend; destiny had decided to remove someone not worthy enough to be in my life. For what kind of a friend simply lets go of a friendship without so much as talking out the truth?
Today I ran into Spot as I left one of my best friends at church. She looked at me with a weak smile and I decided to maintain my dignity by greeting her.
An innocent (wo)man has no reason to behave as if guilty.
I found out later that the truth is as reliable as oil in water… it eventually surfaces. She knew of my innocence and yet never found the courage to straighten things out. Just before I got on the bus to leave, I got a message asking me to meet her for coffee and talk. After fifteen minutes of idle chatter I decided to cut the bullshit short by cutting straight to the truth and asking her if she was ready to talk about what happened. It somehow amazed me that even after knowing the truth; Spot could still not face it choosing to stare at her lap instead of looking me in the face.
“Was that so hard?” I asked after all was said and done.
I watched the face of woman nodding, who now understands the importance of communication. And even though we may never return to the friendship that we once had, destiny made sure that we both learnt this precious lesson.
The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
Everyone has a turn at being the victim to someone else’s illusions. They don’t always necessarily create bad impressions: my latest role is lover to a distant work colleague.
A perfectly good friendship has suddenly been characterised by outsiders as a secret love affair which the more I deny, the more weight it seems to carry.
Quite annoyed by the unfounded rumour (especially since I hold none of the benefits that this role implies!), I decided to look the misconceptor in the eye and tell him that I’ve got about as much intimacy with my supposed lover as I do with him… In a full office with radar ears this created an even bigger suspense: “Has she slept with that colleague too?”…
This false impression however, is more his problem than it is mine!
I laugh off the misconceptions. Fighting them is almost the same as confirming them to someone who chooses not to believe otherwise. Luckily, neither my friend nor I take these comments seriously and we choose not to let them bother us. Our friendship is too precious to be dented by other people’s illusive opinions.
For the truth is truly only important to those that hold it and those who truly seek it.
Living on an island where people worry more about other people’s lives than their own, I often worry about the damage created by misconceptions and jumping to the wrong conclusions.
When people deny you the chance to defend yourself, you become the person they describe you to be until the truth eventually emerges.
Perhaps they blame you for something said or something that happened, giving you labels such as: bitch, slut, hypocrite etc.
You can either choose to fit into this role or simply wait until the truth emerges… and it always does. When you can’t defend yourself, simply be yourself.
The truth is generally the best vindication against slander and those that are not blind eventually see.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. When in doubt, choose to believe the person who seeks the truth instead of the person who claims to know it for he is the creator of misconceptions. You cannot prevent people from lying or distorting the truth but you can keep yourself from falling victim by choosing to be honest until the truth prevails.