Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Me, Myself & I -The Marriage!

First and Foremost i´d like to thank IceVsFire that managed to beautifully design this picture of my soul... thanks honey, I´d say that if this isn´t exactly what it looks like, then it´s pretty close!
Today I dragged my lazy bum out of bed and had a meaningful conversation with my mirror that involved plenty of Oh-my-God’s accompanied with I-wish’s and emphasized with deep sighs.
After I got off my pity potty, I decided to take a shower and take me out on date!
Damn right!
A gorgeous butterfly like me shouldn’t waddle at home on her day off! Who ever heard of keeping the Sunshine indoors?

First we had to decide which beach to go… We’d done Oeiras already so it was time we adventure to some place new!
After questioning the cutie pie that sold bus tickets, we found out where to catch the desired bus and made our way down to Praça de Espanha.
On the way, we had a serious conversation!

Me and I, I and me!
I decided that the abuse couldn’t go on and if our relationship was going to work; I would just have to stop being so critical of me who in turn had to start being more caring!
As it turns out, we’d been going through a difficult time and stupidly shut each other out!
And that’s how we found it! – Self love.
Isn’t it amazing that no matter how bad I treat myself, I’m always prepared to forgive? Forgiving and loving… from now on I’m going to treat myself better!
Getting onto the bus, we spoke about the things that had brought down our relationship:
Doubt,
Criticism,
But worst of all was Fear!
Fear of loss; Fear of Failure and Fear of Ourselves.

“You screwed up again!”
“No way in hell can you accomplish that!”
“You’ll never be good enough!”
“Damn you’re ugly; no wonder he looks at her instead!”
If I spoke to my friends the way I speak to myself, I reckon I’d end up completely alone!
The idea is not to change my attitude towards others, it’s the attitude towards myself that needs improving! To love oneself isn’t arrogance; it’s humility due to the fact that you learn to accept and love yourself for the good and the bad that you are. Only when you accept your weaknesses, can you help yourself overcome them.

I got off the bus unsure of which direction to go, that didn’t seem to bother me though who wisely followed the dude with the surfboard. Pure joy was breathed in with the salt of the ocean and I was excited just looking at sand which sparkled as if God himself and sprinkled fairy dust on the beach. Me prefers the light that reflects on the waves better. Under the moonlight it would look like a silvery trail to the stars!

As always when the time comes to show some skin, that dark void began to settle in my stomach as I braced myself for that fear of criticism that would follow. I’d look at the paleness of my skin, squeeze the loose skin and bitterly chastise myself for having eaten that second slice of toast with butter…

Instead, I surprised myself with encouragement.
Decided that my new bathing suit made me look even more elegant than the other and suggested a walk to the end of the beach to strut my stuff to the cute surfer boys! One of which rewarded my courage with a whistle… this time, I decided to accept if for the compliment that it was instead of concluding that he was making fun of me.

I and me, me and I!
Walking where the waves crashed at our feet, we reminded each other of some of the best memories we’d lived so far.
We smiled… We laughed… and we SANG not caring who heard us.
We pet some dogs, we helped two girls build a sandcastle and we read to each other from that book we chose at the book fair.
And when it was time to go home… I treated myself to an ice cream, promising that tomorrow I’d make sure I’d help encourage myself stick to a healthy diet.

The day ended with me taking a bath and putting myself to bed! It was the end of the perfect date and a new beginning to a lasting relationship!

Love yourself; you have no need to prove your worth to yourself seeing as you already are the person you should be. You don’t need anyone else’s approval to feel worthy or successful, if you don’t believe in yourself, then no love or support anyone else gives you will ever be enough.

Today I thanked myself for sticking it out with me even when I shut myself out from the world and in turn I promised to be more supportive and easy going.

As for those of you pointing fingers and blaming others for making yourselves feel rotten, me myself and I would like to remind you that:
People only have the importance which you give them and therefore, they can only make you feel rotten if you allow them.
Believe in yourself and nothing anyone says will bring you down.

4 comments:

nflopes said...

well... beware
finnaly not scared
she's outhere
so ... take care!!!

Anonymous said...

closing sunshine behind boundaries... either of the mind, auto infflicted negative critics, social, or those of love... tch tch, ever again do that sweetie! Be free, be U, as only some privileged ones know...First, the most important person in the world for U is...Good! Then, whoever tries to approach U MUST earn the privilege of YOUR acceptance! Lastly, do yourself a favour: DO make more these fantastic escapades like U described!
Love Ya! KKK
W

IceVsFire said...

Ainda bem k gostast da imagem!!
Kuando ao post...porra ixo e k e falta de estima...umas das liçoes k ja aprendi foi para seres deslumbrat aos olhos dos outros a 1 coisa a fzer e seres deslumbrant aos teus olhos...sai ,olha para o mundo de cima para baixo, atrevet e vai mais longe se ate um pouco convencida..deslumbra e conkista..se tudo akilo k consegues ser e no fim acrescenta ainda mais um pouco ..e o fim veras ...o mundo e um lugar melhor..nao k mudes a maneira cm ves o mundo mas por este mudar a maneira cm vet a ti

Storm said...

I reckon that portuguese air isnt doing your head any good, get your butt back to SA!