Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Me, My own Nemesis
This wasn't the means I would've liked to have used to respond. However I believe in replying by the same source and so we publicly voice what we don't personally tell each other.
Thank-You for writing for me in my language. It's not that I'm not capable of understanding what you had written had it been it Portuguese. It's not that I don't understand your language. My difficulty isn't in the translation, my difficulty lies in understanding the meaning behind the words. English is so much more direct… or maybe all that lies in the author's intentions?!
I was happy to read that you're doing great, that you're living as opposed to merely surviving and that you've made progress over this last year.
It's been a difficult year for most of us.
But if you truly took the time to get to know yourself, to know what you want and what to fight for then you've accomplished what on a daily basis a lot of people fail to do.
“To know others is wisdom, to know thyself is enlightenment” – Chinese proverb.
I'm only sorry that you consider yourself to have found your limits. Forgive me if I don't believe in limits… not onto you.
The extraordinary things in life are accomplishing those things we thought not possible. The things which began as a dream.
Don't limit yourself my friend; you have the capacity for so much more.
“The limits are within the mind and not the muscle” – Alexander Popov (Run a search, it's worth the read)
You called me kid.
You're right; I have faith in things that grown-ups eventually give up on.
Love… Life… a Family….
Did it ever occur to you that somewhere along the line, I too have reached the bottom of the pit? Perhaps even more than once?
That I've hurt… that I've despaired and gave up on breathing?
What if I told you that I know what it is to see the world through grey scales, to eat food with no flavour, to hear no other sound but the “Fado” and call all of that my reality.
And if somewhere along the way, I realized that there's more to living than merely surviving?
That love exists around me and that as long as I bear the ability to love someone, then my dreams are as attainable as anyone else's.
There are days I want to throw in the towel, give up on my dreams, it's so much easier to quit and justify it with all the dreams not yet accomplished.
But that's what they are… they're not yet accomplished and as long as I live, I have those dreams to believe in. Otherwise, we have very little to get up in the morning for.
Are our dreams so different?
I also want to be a parent… I have an immense amount of love with which I would like to lavish children with. And not just any children… my children.
I want to enfold my own in my arms and love them like only a mother knows how. To guide them, teach them and give them the home I wish I'd had.
This isn't a solo goal, it takes the right partner to accomplish such a dream and without that… the above has no meaning… in fact, without the right partner, very few dreams bear meaning.
I have many other goals and dreams to accomplish but this is the one I pray makes me stay… the reason to stop packing, to stop moving and to build on something special.
“Just because someone doesn't feel for you the way you feel for them doesn't mean they don't already feel for you with all their heart”
Truth hurts doesn't it?
Would it make you feel better if I told you that this particular truth has hurt me more than once, and continues hurting me presently?
In the past, I chose to protect a person's heart at all cost. Presently I've learnt that there's nothing like the blunt and honest truth to help a person move on.
Would you believe that deep down, I'm truly sorry that you aren't the one.
If you were, both of us would have happier things to write about.
Deep down, you have to know that I'm not the one for you.
I believe you'll make an enviable partner and a great father someday. I'm hoping that you'll include me in your life as a bystander… a friend.
Because I still am your friend and I never stopped being your friend.
I never turned by back on you – that was your choice.
We'll be friends until the day you choose for us not to be; that will not be my decision.
I believe that your true Nemesis is the dreams that you deny. Everyone searches for happiness and you're right, happiness is not a constant emotion; it's made up of moments.
Only when you look back, can you say you were happy.
Haven't you ever found that without even knowing it, you were living the happiest moments of your life? It gives you a lot of think of when you consider your present.
So maybe I'm a kid, to believe in love and faith and happiness…
For all those highs, there are consequent lows but I know one thing for sure… each time my heart chooses to believe, I'm blessed with those smirks that you call happy moments.
Those don't happen much when you play defense.
I don't believe happiness is found when you achieve everything you aspire… you're right, very few people would be considered happy.
I believe happiness is found where love is found and that takes different forms for different people.
I consider myself to be a happy person but I'll be happiest the day from which I look beside me and see my partner for life. The one that bears witness to a life we choose to live together. The one that will embrace our children with the same amount of love that I do. Someday when I tell you about my adventures, I hope there to be someone beside me to say “I was there, I saw it and I love her for that and all of it”
Once again I ask you… are our dreams so different that you once may have thought that I didn't understand you?
There's so much more I'd like to tell you, but not on a stage… you know where to find me the day you decide you want to hear what I've got to say.
Here's to you… Here’s to your Friday evening thoughts, may your Nemesis bear no strength over you.