Sunday, May 28, 2006
Living on a Prayer
I have a task to do…
And although I’m beginning to see what my mission is, I have no idea how to achieve it. Before it was merely a vision, now it’s official.
What was God thinking when he sent me here?
Why now when I want to be alone, when I seek the quiet time to heal?
They warned me things would get harder… I just hoped I wouldn’t always have to face it alone.
They look at me with the desire to trust but the defence of built up scepticism.
I can’t fight that kind of history… I wasn’t here and it doesn’t matter.
It matters to them though, and I don’t know how to make it right.
How do you help those that don’t trust you to get close?
Those that bite if you get too close?
I grow tired of rescuing those that don’t want to be saved and sometimes, I wish I had the strength to just walk away and let them wallow in their self-pity.
God won’t let me… and in Good conscience neither can I ever walk away without giving it a chance. But at a time in my life when I just want to be on my own, I wonder if perhaps I shouldn’t do that same favour for those that ask it of me.
They form groups of allies that defend their territory without regard for their neighbours, yet should the neighbour build a fence, which too is unforgivable… They demand perfection from their leaders who must understand their human flaws; who must defend his nation whom are only loyal to themselves.
And then they wonder why the world is so screwed up!
My head hurts… maybe because it hasn’t stopped spinning around.
I’d like to make an effort… but I wouldn’t know where to begin.
It wouldn’t matter in any case, to be someone’s friend is to be some other’s foe.
To sit and work as if I don’t exist, maybe someone will see me…
On a good day, someone might regard my work as productive and helpful rather than threatening or ambitious.
I’m going to pass opinions, welcome or not and hopefully contribute positively to the growth of a team that doesn’t want to be team.
If I’m lucky, I’ll get to share a joke, share a story and share a few laughs.
Even in a battlefield, there are friendly moments for those who seek them.
And so while guns and bombs go off, I’ll tend to those who accept my help,
Dodge the bullets and hope that eventually they figure out that I’m not one of them, nor am I the enemy… I’m that colleague and friend they stopped believing exists.