Tuesday, May 09, 2006
I’m caught! Hook, line and sinker!
How do I know I’ve been caught?
How does any woman know she’s been caught…
You know that levels have risen above mere interest when you begin the object of your attention beyond the wet and slippery shower scene!
Today as I mentally praised the mould used to shape his behind, I was overwhelmed by the scary sensation that I’d actually like to get to know more about him.
What in particular, I couldn’t say but I began wondering about his middle name, what his parents were like and if he liked dogs.
Does he have a brother? Hehehe…
What exactly is he studying?
What is his favourite colour?
Does he in fact like Genesis and what is his honest opinion on Tony Carreira?
Along with the countless questions came along the mini movies made in the backstage of my imagination; like me and him sharing a pizza, going for a swim, flirting and laughing together, I could give him a massage and we might kiss… we could talk, have long conversations about everything and nothing in particular. We could share thoughts, dreams and opinions…
And the fact that I was looking his way confirmed the warning signals and turned on all the alarms… it’s important NOT to panic!
When feeling that you’re on the weaker side of the attraction tug-o-war, one should first breathe and remain calm!
Make along a list of all the things you hate about him, the things that annoy you and zero in to each and every one of those things. Put emphasis on each point and remind yourself how you simply can’t be attracted to a man who knows what’s happening in the latest cheesy soap opera that even you don’t watch!
Avoid eye contact and substitute all potentially dangerous fantasy with the important stuff you should be thinking about! If that fails, substitute the important stuff with your favourite movie hunk.
After a good stretch and a cup of water, I wasn’t sure whether to cry or laugh at myself!
Part of me wanted to give into the pull of attraction, dare to dream and imagine and hope… wanting to believe that this could be the beginning of something good.
The other part wanted instant precautionary measures, no more daydreams, avoid crossing paths or looks and definitely no more peeks at his behind or otherwise.
Like two extremists at war, the inner turmoil was somehow silenced by the voice of reason that had already taken the decision it wouldn’t go back on.
I like the idea of a secret crush, it’s like living in a world where mortals can’t hurt you – Nobody knows but me and in my imagination; everything is as it should be.
Immature, yes, but a much better alternative than the hard battle I’d have to face trying to shut my head and heart up!
Call it a compromise; call it loony… I call it the only sane option between becoming a lesbian or a nun!
I allow my imagination the freedom it can’t have in reality and in turn it refrains from projecting itself.
Fate helps by providing me with years of experience on covering and containing feelings and when I do risk a peek, I know I’ll be safe at being caught while he’s peeking at someone else…
When I was a child I’d often wished I was invisible, I wanted nothing more than to be able to read people’s minds and after a wile I wanted the super power of clicking my fingers and making time stop.
I could take a closer look at the depth of his eyes and he’d never know just how deep I looked…
Now I just ask for the ability to control both the angel and the bitch within shutting them up before either of them gets me in trouble.