Monday, April 18, 2005

Make the Connection

Make the Connection

They saw less and less of each other until the break up became the inevitable. Exams and friends had gotten in the way and they gave each other excuses about have little time for each other. Then he saw her at a distance and suddenly a rush of emotion and regret washed over him. He didn’t want her back and yet, what was this he was feeling at the pit of his stomach?
He complained that she was too shy, that she’d speak to him one way over the internet and then grow quiet when they were together, so I couldn’t resist in asking:
Did you ever take her aside, look her in the eyes, hold her and tell her some of the things you told her online? Did you ever ask her to open up to you; to talk to you and be with you with no fear... While looking her directly in the eyes?!

Speaking over a computer screen has one big advantage: You can tell that person whatever is going on in your soul without feeling vulnerable or exposed. However it’s when you look each other face to face that suddenly you’re attacked with anxiety and doubt. Suddenly words hold more weight and you can’t seem to find the right tone of voice or get those words that express what you feel. You feel stupid, scared and vulnerable and after a couple more personal encounters like that… you run!

What? You think we’re all made of iron that we don’t feel insecure when we begin to lose control of our senses around somebody else? No matter how confident a person is, they are prone to insecurity. Usually the more confident and in control they are of themselves, the harder they find it to let go to an emotion that requires the loss of control. When doubt settles in and your brain accuses your heart of feeling too much… isn’t it the most natural reaction in the world to stand up and leave?
Men call this “hard to get”… I’m glad they see it that way because it means they don’t know the power they have over our senses that causes us to run. Oh yes boys, you have us by the rope when we’re digging up excuses to disappear.
At some point we acknowledge this failure but it won’t make us turn around… why? Because by the time we turn around, you’re gone! Who wants a man that leaves at the first sign of resistance?
Getting over it… next!

A woman wants her man to fight for her… No, we don’t want this to impress us or to somehow lift our egos (then again, there are females for every whack desire…)
However, real women need her man to grab her to keep her from running from her own desires! To look her in the eyes and let her know that you’re real, that you’re there and that you’re not going to run at the first sign of trouble or resistance. Take this back to the cavemen era… do you honestly think a woman would accept a man who didn’t know how to take charge of his family and his cave?… not to mention he’d be a worthless hunter if he were a coward. Let her know that you’re not an illusion of her heart and that you do love her and don’t plan on going anywhere and you’ll have her fighting just as hard to make you believe the same thing.

“But that takes balls to say something like that to her”… Damn right it does! But rejection is a much better fate than walking around with feelings you can’t express or get rid of!!!

How to tell her?... (or him, there are guys who do their fair share of running as well…) The soul projects through the eyes, so that’s where sincerity comes from. Just before she leaves, take her by the arm, look straight in her eyes and tell her that before she leaves she’s got to look you in the eyes and tell you that leaving is what she wants to do. Look at her in the eyes, be honest and repeat the words she’s running away from. She’ll reward your courage with honesty, believe me! Don’t doubt it; simply ask yourself if you yourself wouldn’t be completely sincere at that point.
If she walks then she never corresponded with that feeling you felt… aren’t you glad you know the truth now? But if she feels the same way… she’ll stay. And you can build up from there.

That Tie… that connection we all search for. It’s not something that lives and dies… it’s a hidden bond that is touched base by those who have it… basically, if you think you are begging to lose touch with the person you’re in a relationship with then you’re guilty of letting go… Take her by the arms… look her in the eyes. Magic doesn’t disappear, people bury it! Don’t let the person you love turn their backs on the words that are hard to say and even harder to admit that they exist… grab them, kiss them, pin them against a wall if you have to but never let that bond break.

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