Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Needing You, Needing Me

Needing You, Needing Me


When I looked you straight in the eye and told you that I didn’t need you; when I said I didn’t want your advice and when I insisted that I could do it on my own: I Lied.

Today I was reminded of how much one human being needs another to survive. Beyond the requirements for evolution, the human soul needs contact with another in order to survive. I need you as much as you need me and vice versa.

Last night I missed my old room. Sitting on my bed cross-legged, I closed my eyes and imagined myself surrounded by the glow in the dark stars that told me that I was in my old room. The duvet under me metamorphosed from pink swans to pastel pink roses and above me appears a ceiling fan, put there to cool down the hot African nights.
Should I wait until morning? I’ll see the light creep in through my huge window, hitting my crystal and spilling rainbow colours over my carpet. I’ll stretch my arm and turn on the radio before examining myself in the long mirror my dad saved from my old vanity table… around it will be all my photos of family, friends and loved ones. Above it might still be the map of the island I’m currently stuck in. Stepping outside, I can smell the fresh grass and feel its softness under my feet. Rocky will most probably try wrestling me for a hug or wrestle the other dogs for my attention.

The more I tried to imagine the house I once called a home, the more homesick I became and it was the sound of my own sobs that snapped me right back across the ocean into the bedroom I now call my own and that somehow felt colder than ever.
No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn’t block out the images that made me want to pack my suitcases get on the next flight out.
The faces of all the people that I miss tortured my resistance and when I could no longer take it: I called my Dad.

I suppose it’s a really stupid idea to call up the one person that you can easily contaminate with depression, not to mention how worried I’d leave him knowing how homesick I am. But taking a deep breath and finding my most courageous voice, I greeted my dad with “Hi Daddy… no I haven’t been up to much, I’ve just been missing you”.
It’s amazing how good you feel when someone recognises what you’re feeling. They recognise the message in your words and in your voice and bring it out from the depths of your mind by saying something like “I know baby, I have bad phases too”
At first your heart stops and you choke at the shock that someone is aware of your feelings followed by a huge sense of relief when you realise that they understand where you’re coming from.
I then realised how good it is to have dad around: to have someone who wants to listen and makes the effort to understand me. What a relief to know that someone cares enough about you to try and comprehend how your complex mind works? Dad then shared his thoughts and ideas with me and by the end of the conversation I realised that he had needed to hear my voice as much as I needed to hear his.

I’d barely walked into the office before I was dragged outside by my boss who proudly showed me the new sunscreens he’d put up on the windows. Before I could get out a compliment, he dragged me back into the office so he could brag about the new scanner that had just arrived and he challenged me to be the first to use it.
Standing below his hierarchy triangle, I failed to understand his need to impress me. And then the answer suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks: He needed me to recognise his efforts so he could feel more accomplished in his role. Already wishing I could kick the massive piece of junk out the window, I searched for my most sincere smile and congratulated him on the achievement of acquiring the darn thing for our office and even asked commended him on picking out a good model. He needed the motivation just as much as I needed him to ask me how my vacation was and be shown a little interest by my superior. To be told that I’d been missed for the week that I was gone might not even have been truly felt, however it gave me one hell of a start to the morning.

No matter how many times I get told that something I said or wrote made a positive difference: I still can’t help the overwhelming joy! The euphoric gratification!
Do I get a big head… of course I get my ego inflated!!! It makes me want to write more and attempt to reach more and more people. There is endless satisfaction in knowing that you made a positive change… it is so strong and addictive that it drives you to keep talking, sharing and writing the column with the intention to help someone else.

Today, gratitude came in form of an e-mail letting me know that my words were like the sprinkles of water onto a thirsty plant. At times, we all need just the basic words to help us get back on track. Gratitude is a compliment that humbles me; however it is its source that humbled me even more. Not to long ago, I looked upon this friend for words of wisdom. I asked for his guidance, studied his advice and my life was enriched by his experience…. Suddenly not too long after, I’m being thanked for the same compliment that I paid him.

No Wo(man) is an island, no soul was created to survive alone.

Whilst decisions and evolution depend solely on us, we depend on those around us to arise new questions, new options and stimulate our intelligence. They provide new ideas and different methods, helping us evolve through their understanding. A steady hand, a strong shoulder and different point of view is essential in all of our lives. This need is what creates the bonds of friendship around us and shows us how much we really need each other… even if it’s just to remind us of something we already knew, but just forgot.

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